


flutz

by Weatherbug02



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 4CC, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Sports, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Europeans, F/M, Grand Prix, Hux is Not Nice, I Know Too Much About This Sport And It Shows, Loss of Virginity, Mental Health Issues, PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Various Figure Skating References, alternate universe - figure skating, injuries, world championships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:34:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weatherbug02/pseuds/Weatherbug02
Summary: Rey was determined to have no distractions during her first season in Senior Ladies figure skating.She swore that Olympic medalist and figure skating legend Ben Solo was not going to change that, no matter how intent he seemed on proving her wrong.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 42
Kudos: 242
Collections: Dev’s Reylo Favorites, Rey/Ben Solo





	flutz

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone. I've held this fic close to my heart for over a year now before publishing (originally finished November of 2018). I suddenly decided that today was the day, so welcome whether you're one of those people that's heard me rant multiple times about my "27k word fic" or just popped in suddenly. There's a couple things I'd like to address:
> 
> 1\. At the time of writing this, I was a figure skater on a synchronized figure skating team. I am no longer competing, nor do I see myself doing so in the future, but I still love figure skating, and though there are a few that already exist, I thought I'd give one that's singles-focused instead of pairs.  
> 2\. Some of the information in this fic is lingo you may not understand, but it should detract in any way. This has been lightly beta-read by non-skaters, but let me know if there's anything distracting that can be changed.  
> 3\. In addition to that, depending on when this is read, some information may be out of date and some already is. For example, there are ladies in the senior ladies division now doing quads in competition, which hadn't happened ever at the time I wrote this.  
> 4\. To those who are fans, take some info with a grain of salt. I know men above 6' aren't reasonably doing quads consistently for years or having lasting careers, Rey's height is not ideal for senior ladies, and England hasn't been on the map of figure skating in quite a long time, but this is for fun, so don't come at me lol
> 
> If I think of anything else, I'll add it here. Without further ado, have fun!

Skate America

There was a reason Rey was here. Some might have called it “talent,” but Rey didn’t believe in talent. She believed in blood, sweat, tears, and pain. But talent? It was minimizing something she’d worked her ass off for into something that could be explained with a single word and pass it off as some genetic predisposition into greatness.

Only a fraction of what got her here was able to be chalked up as talent. The rest was accredited to her innate ability to focus. 

She’d focused from the day she was 4 years old and wobbling in hire skates for the first time. She was focused when she begged the rink manager, Unkar, to hire her under the table in order to pay for ice time. She was focused when she went behind his back to sneak onto the ice at midnight to practice. She was focused when she finally qualified for Senior competitions after ten years of working two jobs to pay for it.

And she was focused now as she stood in the lobby of her hotel, praying the staff would hurry up with the check-in process so that she could shower and crash in the awaiting hotel bed.

So this was what Senior competitions were so far. Exactly like Juniors, except with more fans lining up outside the hotels. It was a good thing Rey was a nobody in the figure skating community because she wasn’t sure she could’ve handled much more than this.

Only a couple other skaters and herself had arrived so far, and the crowd squealed every time someone of interest showed up. Most of the bigger names weren’t here yet, and for that, Rey was thankful. Hopefully by the time they arrived, she would be long gone into her room, showered and asleep in that sexy hotel bed likely much more comfortable than her own back in London.

“Miss Johnson,” the front desk employee piped up with a key card extended in front of her, “we apologize for the wait. Our computer’s been acting up all day. Please enjoy your stay, and good luck at your competition.” 

_ Well, at least someone knew who I was.  _ “Thank you so much.” With a sigh of relief, Rey turned around and began to rush off in the direction of the elevators to escape the busy lobby. It didn’t take long to reach her floor, the elevator stopping with a satisfying ding and opening its doors to reveal the empty hall. She let herself relax for a few moments, but the temporary relief ended all too soon when she ran smack dab into someone as she turned a corner

“Holy shit, I am so…” Rey sucked in a breath when their eyes met.  _ Just perfect. _

“What are you doing in here?”

Ben Solo. Men’s Singles skater, three-time world champion, Olympic silver medalist, arguably the most famous figure skater in the world, and a known asshole. He stared at her with his eyes narrowed, as if she was the absolute last person on the planet he wanted to see.

“I’m sorry?” she managed to choke out after a beat of uncomfortable silence. There was no way he knew who she was, and even if he did, they’d never even  _ met. _ What kind of beef would he have had with her?

Then again, with the likes of this guy, anything was possible.

“This floor is skaters only. We don’t need the likes of you in here trying to sneak into our rooms. What are you, sixteen? Get out of here, kid.”

Rey honestly wasn’t sure what else she was expecting. Of course Ben Solo had no idea who she was, and she wasn’t sure whether she was more upset by that fact or the fact he thought she was three years younger than she was. “First of all, I don’t know who the hell you think are”— _ Ben Solo, _ heart-throb of every tween figure skater on the planet—“but I don’t recall it being your job to police the hotel.”

“It’s not. I’ve just had to chew out three other girls from this floor in the past twenty minutes.”

Rey briefly wondered if he had anything better to do than roam the hotel halls at night when they had competitions to get ready for, but the guy was a World Champion, so who was she to question his methods? “Doesn’t matter. This is my floor, and I’d appreciate it if you got out of my way.”

He looked down at her, obnoxiously taller than he should’ve been. Solo was a major outlier in Men’s skating, much too tall and much too wide to achieve any of the feats he had, but he’d done it anyway. Rey, herself, was considered above average height for skating at the Senior level, but it wasn’t completely unheard of. Hers had just been a minor inconvenience at times. Solo’s had to have been a complete hindrance, yet he’d excelled in his position. 

“You’re a skater. I’ve never seen you before.”

Of course he hadn’t. “It’s my first year in Seniors.” It wasn’t completely unexpected. A person like him shouldn’t have been expected to keep tabs on the Junior skaters, especially not the Ladies’. 

“So you’re like fifteen then?”

“Nineteen, actually, but thanks for your input. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Solo cleared his throat and stepped out of her way. “Right. I’ll see you later.”

Rey rolled her eyes the moment she was out of his eyesight.  _ Not if I have anything to say about it. _

*

“Hey,” he said later, as they passed each other in the halls with identical suitcases.

Rey’s muscles still ached, a bruise already blooming on the outside of her thigh from a nasty fall, but the memory of the silver medal that was now tucked safely into her suitcase was unbelievable enough that even  _ this _ wouldn’t sour her mood. Even so, she didn’t stop, eyes never meeting his as she brushed off the advance. “Not today, Satan.”

Faintly, from across the hall now, she heard him laugh.

*

Internationaux de France

Ten minutes. She had ten minutes. 

Rey’s hands shook as she tightened the bottom half of her skate. She’d always been a confident performer and was told it was one of the charms about watching her programs, but today felt different. The practice was shaky, her jumps barely landing. She was holding on by the skin of her teeth more often than not, and normally that would have been okay. Except today. Today was not the day to lack in anything.

_ Calm down. _ A voice in her head was practically screaming the words, knowing that the tears were coming, and with tears came exhaustion, and that was the least ideal thing in the world at the moment. 

Rey wished she could be alone, but this was close enough, tucked away in a corner as skaters, coaches, and staff alike ignored her. She was new. She was a nobody. No one cared about a new Senior like her.

“Hey.” 

Her head snapped up, and as she laid her eyes on the owner of the voice, Rey cursed the universe for casting this kind of humiliation on her. “Go away.”

Solo didn’t move an inch from his position, casually leaning against the wall adjacent from her. “Do you need help? I think you’re about to take the ice here soon.”

_ How would you know?  _ “Why would I need your help?” 

He shrugged, slipping his hands into his front pockets. “Your skates are untied. I figured you might need those done.”

Rey sniffled and cast her eyes away from him. She could only imagine how messy she looked with a red, blotchy face and smeared mascara. Truly a sight for sore eyes. “I really don’t need this shit right now.”

Solo moved so that he was directly in front of her but still at a respectable distance. “C’mon, you don’t want to ruin your chances at the Grand Prix just because your skates were tied poorly. Let me help you.” He held a hand out low, so, after a moment of consideration, Rey lifted up her right leg and allowed him to settle the blade of her skate between his thighs. He made quick work of the boot, tightening it just barely at the top of the foot, then tight around the ankles, and then loose again at the top. He switched feet and repeated. When he was finished, Solo released her foot, and Rey stood up. “Feel okay?”

It was… different in a way, a bit tighter in the ankle than she was used to, but otherwise it was fine, so she nodded, not trusting her voice quite yet. 

“Okay, yeah, so… try to calm down. Don’t get hysterical or anything because it’ll stress you out, but it’s okay to cry. Don’t worry too much about it.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Solo took a step back and shoved his hands back into his pocket. His Team USA jacket was tied around his waist, and ripped jeans were the dead giveaway that he wasn’t skating any time soon. The men’s free program was later tonight, and, of course, Solo was predicted to get gold. This was the second event in the Grand Prix, and he’d already gotten his 15 points from Skate America’s gold. As long as he didn’t bomb tonight, Ben Solo was most definitely going to the Grand Prix Final.

Rey, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure about herself.

Yeah, she’d gotten silver during the last event, but that was only because she wasn’t even expecting to finish on the podium. After a nearly flawless freeskate with just a touch-down on her double axel, Rey felt for the first time she was on top of the world. Even if it wasn’t gold, it was more than she ever expected. 

Her short program had been alright, leaving her in fourth for the time being, but now failure was imminent, and it was coming on faster than she could breathe. And here  _ Ben Solo _ , of all people, was trying to make it better.

“I just want you to succeed.”

“You don’t know me,” she spat back, leaning down to put her guards on her blades. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. You don’t know how I skate. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?”

He took a step back, but his eyes didn’t leave hers as she straightened. She didn’t even come close to his height, even in skates; Solo making her feel smaller than she already felt. He shouldn’t have even been here. He should’ve been at practice, binging some stupid Netflix Original, scrolling through his thirst tweets on Twitter, or something.  _ Anywhere _ but here.

“You don’t have to listen to me, and you’re right, I don’t know you, but all I’m seeing right now is a girl just out of Juniors who’s cracking under the pressure of what it means to be in the big leagues.”

Her hands balled into fists at her sides. “I’m not cracking.”

He let out a wry laugh. “You are, and you’re a fool for not seeing it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you get better. That’s it, plain and simple. Don’t take my advice if that’s what you want, but just know that until you accept the truth, you’re just going to be another bright-eyed Junior with endless potential and an endless flurry of irrational ideas of who you are and what you’ll become. We get them every year, and they never make it, and I can guarantee you won’t either.” Applause erupted over through the doorway, marking the finish of the girl before her. “That’s your cue. Maybe I’ll see you next season if you get your act together.”

She’d heard enough. Rey shoved past Solo and stomped her way into the rink.

*

The moment the music started, she felt like an entirely different person. Solo’s speech had done something to her, triggered something inside her brain that made her want to do everything in her power to prove to him that she was not just another fucking Junior. If this was the only way to do so, then so be it. It was time to win that gold medal and make that asshole wish he’d never spoken to her.

Rey wasn’t in love with her music, a fast-paced orchestra piece that had been enjoyable yet a tiny bit bland, but it served its purpose. This time, though, she felt the music in her veins and bent it to her will. Now she wasn’t skating to the music. It was skating with her.

For a good majority of the program, she had no recollection of what she was doing or what portion she’d already done, just letting her muscle memory take over and guide her through the routine she had done hundreds of times. For once, she stopped worrying. For once, she felt free.

It was a blur of a memory, and then it was nothing. She skated off the ice against the deafening cheers of the crowd, and as she put on her guards, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted him.

The smirk on his face was evident enough. This had all been a set-up, and what a brilliant one it was. As Rey took her seat in the Kiss and Cry alone, Solo was already walking off, but she found herself smiling despite herself.

_ So you wanna play it like that, huh? Fine, I’m game. _

*

Grand Prix Final

Rey’s gold medal in France was a surprise to everyone, herself especially. Before, she’d been the underdog, least likely to succeed despite her silver at Skate America, but the moment her scores appeared, the crowds went silent and Rey was left staring at the board.  _ 215.32. _

It wasn’t a world record, it wasn’t Russian, but it was her personal best, and it was the score that sent her into first place. 

Now with a total of 27 points under her belt, Rey was officially qualified for the Grand Prix Final.

Maybe it was here, at the first major competition of the season, that she was supposed to shudder under the immense pressure thrown onto her shoulders, but instead, she felt weirdly at peace. Anxiety hadn’t yet burrowed its place into her head, not even as she squinted against the bright ice and skated into place.

*

“Your program was so amazing, Rey. You deserve everything you’re getting.”

Rey smiled and looked down at her glass of sparkling cider, the drink served to all the poor, underage guests like herself. As similar Japan’s laws were to London, the drinking age was not one of them, set at just a year younger than America’s. Finn’s champagne was suddenly looking very, very good. “Thank you. I caught your short dance as well. You and Rose performed so well, all things considered.”

Finn just shook his head and took another sip of his drink. “We didn’t do as well as we’d hoped. I know Rose is a little disappointed, but it’s okay. The fact that we made it here in the first place is insane.”

Rey was definitely inclined to agree. He and Rose had only been partners for a year, but they’d meshed incredibly well together, which led to both of their best seasons on record. Ice dancing was an increasingly popular discipline of skating, this year especially, so the two qualifying for the final at all was something to be proud, let alone getting fifth. “You’ve got a whole season ahead of you. Four continents, the Worlds, the fucking Olympics! Don’t worry about it.”

“Olympics, huh? Well, if I’ve gotta get dragged to the Olympics, then you better come with me, sis.” Rey opened her mouth to, once again, refute the idea, but then Rose called Finn over to talk to a sponsor, and she was alone again.

As the night aged, the lights grew darker and the music got louder. It was an array of classical music one would imagine hearing at a competition gala but also a mix of pop to cater to the skaters, who were almost all under the age of 30 with the exception of just a few older pair skaters and ice dancers.

Instead of dancing, Rey stuck to a dim corner of the room for the most part, nursing her cider and checking nonexistent messages on her phone to look busy. It was the perfect way to express how she really didn’t want to talk to anyone, and it worked until it didn’t.

“Why so somber?”

Rey didn’t glance in the man’s direction, eyes fixed on the dancefloor where she watched as Finn twirled Rose several times to the music. “Does it bother you?”

He laughed, sounding just as ingenuine as every other prick who had hit on her since secondary school. “Feisty little thing, aren’t you? You seem so sweet on camera. I’m surprised.”

“Oh, but you aren’t.” Rey turned to him then and took at the man in his entirety. The moment he’d slid next to her, she’d known exactly who she was dealing with. Tall, handsome, but an ulterior motive in his eyes that sent shivers down her spine. “You’re just like every other shithead that comes at me, thinking that they’re something special and I owe it to them to bow down at their feet. Well, that’s not going to happen, so you can either take a step back now or wish you had.” Rey pasted on a sweet smile. “Understood?”

Armitage Hux, always renowned for the disastrous consequences of being pissed off, looked as if he was about to self-destruct, and, for a moment, Rey was afraid of being in his direct path, but then a hand came down his shoulder.

“Forgive me, Armitage, for cutting in, but Rey, I brought you the drink you asked for.”

There he was, Ben Solo, right on the cue she didn’t ask for.

“Actually,” Hux cut in, desperately seeming to try and keep himself in check, “Rey and I were just about to dance.”

Solo glanced at Rey’s incredulous expression and snorted. “Sure you were. Now run along and go slither your way into another girl’s bed. You’re done here.”

For a moment, Hux looked like he was about to protest, but he took one glance at Rey, one glance at Ben, and then stomped off, muttering curses under his breath as he went. When he was gone, Solo turned to Rey and offered out one of the drinks in his hand. “Champagne?”

“I’m not legal.”

He nudged the glass forward. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Rey eyed the glass for a moment before accepting it and taking a sip. “What was that about?” She nodded in the general direction Hux had taken off in, immensely grateful he was completely out of eyeshot now.

Solo shrugged and took a swig of champagne. “Hux? He’s just got a stick up his ass. Can’t accept that a girl would reject him. Did the right thing, though. The guy’s a creep.”

“And you aren’t?”

“Fair enough.”

They stood in silence then, neither one of them seeming to find the will to speak, so Rey just studied him as she sipped her champagne. For someone so popular in the figure skating community, Ben Solo was very… plain. He wasn’t eccentric, wasn’t expressive, didn’t even have social media as far as she knew, and wasn’t conventionally attractive, but Rey found that she didn’t mind it. Her last few interactions with him hadn’t been something to brag about, but yet, he kept coming back, even when Rey was doing everything to push him away.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked her eventually, eyes cast down at his drink.

Rey hadn’t even noticed the song changed until that moment. “I’m not much of a dancer.” A lame excuse, but a true one. Every one of her friends were able to confirm that, despite being a performer, she had the shittiest dance moves in the entirety of the UK.

“Neither am I, but it would piss off Hux, who’s staring straight at you right now at 10 o’clock.”

She laughed and set her glass down at the table next to her, offering her hand out to Solo, who accepted after he sat down his own drink. The music wasn’t in a language she recognized, but it was soft and easy and everyone else seemed to be enjoying it, so Rey slid her arms around Solo’s neck and blamed it on the wine when her face flushed red from his hands settling on her waist.

As they slowly swayed to the music, she tried not to think about the amount of people that could be watching them, that could be taking pictures and posting them online. It wasn’t like there was anything happening between them, of course, but rumors spread, and Rey didn’t need anything distracting her this season.

“Congrats on fourth by the way,” Solo said softly, looking down at her. “You performed really well. You should be proud.”

Rey gave a small smile. “Thanks. And to you as well. Nothing made me happier than to see you snatch gold from Hux.”

“I’m glad you agree. You’ve impressed me more than anyone else in the Ladies’ field, especially since you did that kind of performance on skates as broken down as yours are.” She froze. “You really should think about replacing them.”

There were a lot of replies she could’ve given. She could’ve snapped that it was none of his business or that she liked her skates how they were, but there was legitimate concern in his eyes, and he’d done enough for her that she just couldn’t answer him that way. “I was injured during last year’s off season. It was supposed to be my Senior debut, but by the time I was healed, the season was over. Skating’s how I make my livelihood, and without it, I had no income, which meant I could only get the absolute necessities. I figured I could get one more season out of my boots.”

“That’s not gonna happen. Land one jump the wrong way, and you’ll break an ankle.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t drop eight hundred pounds on skates in the middle of the competitive season.”

He sighed. “Alright, alright, I get it. Just be careful then. Don’t want you permanently injuring anything. It’s an Olympic season, after all. You excited?”

Rey honestly was surprised that he knew she’d qualified. Since she was currently the only major international English skater in the Ladies’ field, Rey was pretty much on her own in the team field aside from Hux. Since most of the Olympic spots were chosen during the previous season World Championships where Rey had been out injured, that meant she had to compete in the Nebelhorn Trophy. In order to gain an Olympic spot, Rey had to place at least sixth in a field of other women whose country hadn’t earned a spot. Coming out first had been a surprise, yet a very welcome one. “Depends on whether NISA sends me.”

“NISA?”

“National Ice Skating Association of Great Britain. Governing body of my poor country.”

“They’re going to send you. Britain hasn’t won an Olympic medal in Ladies’ skating since the ‘90s. You’re literally their only hope.”

Rey hated how correct he was, but it was no secret Britain had trouble getting people interested in figure skating, let alone competing in it. “I suppose so, yeah. I already competed in our Nationals, so I’m just going to have to wait to see if I’ve qualified.”

“They’d be crazy not to send you.”

Rey smiled and glanced up at him. Solo had a certain presence about him on the ice from what little she’d seen of his programs. He was a powerful skater, but he did have a good amount of grace as well. He was technically skilled, a terrifyingly good jumper, and there was something about his programs that kept you engaged until the very end

In real life, Rey could still see that persona seeping through, but it was all overshadowed by the softness of his eyes, the slight quirk of his mouth when she said something funny, and the gentle grip of his hands on her waist. He wasn’t the person she expected, but maybe that was a good thing. 

“Rey,” he said, and she decided she liked her name on his lips. “Rey, I—” Except then the song ended, and she was breathless and sweaty and all too aware of the phantom eyes on them, but she found herself caring much less than she should have when his lips brushed against her ear and his fingers gently squeezed her hip. “I hope we can see each other during the Olympics.”

“Me too, Ben,” Rey said, her voice just above a whisper, and then he was letting go of her even though she desperately wanted him to stay.

*

Later, much later, when all she could think of as she walked back to her hotel room was how she wished he was there next to her, Rey entered her room to find a note on the nightstand.

_ Rey, _

_ I asked a maid to put this in your room. Enclosed is $1,000. Buy new boots, and break them in before your next competition.  _

_ Ben _

*

2018 Winter Olympics

A silver medal win at Europeans left a pit in Rey’s stomach for the month leading up to the Winter Olympics. She’d stared at the official paper inviting her to participate on behalf of England for over three hours the day she’d gotten it and at least four times a day since then, and it hadn’t gotten better. She’d hoped that by the time she’d gotten off the plane to South Korea, the anxiety would’ve settled, but it only seemed to have gotten worse.

Rey arrived in the Olympic Village nine days before the actual event began, and already, the place was a madhouse. As she made her way to the desk of the hotel lobby, people rushed around, carrying anything from giant hockey bags to enough plates of food to feed a family of five, and she had to duck to avoid getting her head lopped off by a pair of skis. 

“Rey Johnson checking in,” she said, sliding the women up front her ID, and waited for the check-in process to be over with. It was her first time in South Korea, so the need to go sightseeing was strong, but the need to take a hot shower and sleep was even stronger, so it was definitely a toss-up whether or not she’d make it out again before the day ended. This was usually how competitions went in entirely different time zones, and she could only imagine how the American athletes felt.

“Ben Solo checking in,” a voice said from behind her.  _ Speaking of American athletes.  _ “Hello, Rey.”

She turned to him and took in his appearance for the first time in what felt like ages. It’d been a good two months since she saw him last at the Grand Prix Final, and it felt both too long and not long enough to get whatever stupid crush she had on him out of her system. It wasn’t quite a problem yet, didn’t distract her from anything important except maybe the nights Rey stayed up late watching his programs and suffered in the morning when her mid-morning crash came, but aside from that, she was completely fine. Whatever this was would drift eventually, and she would just be left with the question of  _ what if. _

“Hey. How was your flight?”

“Good,” he said. “And yours?”

“Good.”

He nodded, and they stood in silence for several moments, just staring at each other. There were plenty of things to talk about—the Olympics, what they were looking forward to doing in Pyeongchang, that one lady on her flight who yelled at a flight attendant over soggy asparagus—but Rey just found herself stiff and silent with no topic of conversation in the seeable future.

For a moment, she took to admiring Ben before very aggressively reminding herself that it wasn’t  _ admiring _ because she absolutely did not have a crush on this guy. Absolutely not. It didn’t matter that he was gorgeous. He was off limits. 

“How are your new boots?”

The question caught her off guard for a moment. She’d almost forgotten about them, about the money he’d given. For the first few days of it in her possession, Rey hadn’t even touched the money. It was too generous for a person who barely knew her, especially a person in a country that had little financial aid for such an expensive sport where skaters regularly had to get a second job or put up a GoFundMe just to live decently. There were only three options here, and she wasn’t sure she liked any of them:

Ben Solo was filthy rich

Ben Solo somehow liked her more than he let on

Ben Solo was an absolute fucking dumbass

After a particularly nasty triple toe that left her off the ice for three days, Rey decided she had to take him up on his offer. The blades, luckily, were good enough to use on the new boots, so after a nervous fitting, she was sent away with top of the line boots, a lighter wallet, and then later nailed her rarely consistent triple flip.

“How’d you know I got new boots?”

He shrugged. “I watched your performance at Europeans on YouTube. I figured your silver medal was a result of my advice. What’d you end up getting?”

“Oh, I got—”

“Solo, have you checked in? Who’s this?”

Rey closed her mouth to take in the man who’d clamped his hand down on Ben’s shoulder, bald and tall with wrinkled skin and piercing blue eyes. He was the one who sat down next to him in the Kiss and Cry as another set of astounding scores came in, the one who wore jackets for both the US and England. James Snoke.

James Snoke had been a renowned skater in the 70s, a world champion and Olympian just like his students. His controversial gold medal in the 1976 Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria left a bad taste in the mouth of everyone who watched those programs.

(Rey remembered watching the tapes on YouTube many years ago. The man was a powerful, demanding skater, even in 480p, and it was him who began the precedent of “jumps before artistry” long before it was as much of thing as it was today. The program had been technically difficult even by today’s standard, but it had fallen short of the silver medalist, sparking outrage and an internal investigation of the judges. Nothing had ever come of it, and Snoke had been all too pleased.)

After an injury in the early 80s, he’d retired and almost immediately began coaching. Everyone knew who he was in the figure skating community. You would’ve been a fool to forget.

“This is Rey Johnson,” Ben answered, his voice low and… indifferent, a tone she couldn’t say she enjoyed. “She’s representing the UK in figure skating.”

Snoke looked her up and down, and Rey had to resist the urge to step back under his gaze. “I’ve heard a lot of buzz about you, Rey. It’s nice to finally meet you. You’ve met my other student, Armitage Hux, correct?”

_ Unfortunately.  _ “Yes, I have.”

“Very good. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you during the competitions. Oh, and if you’re ever in need of a coach, my services are always open to you. I’m sure Solo would be very pleased to have you training with us in Colorado.”

Rey glanced at Ben, whose face had turned uncharacteristically red, before turning to the employee handing back her ID, finally finished with the check-in process. “Thank you for the offer, Sir, but I’m quite happy where I am. Just not a possibility for me to move at the moment. Anyway, I’ve gotta go get settled, but it was nice to meet you.” Without another glance, Rey sped off with her suitcase in tow.

*

“So let me get this straight. You have a thing for Ben Solo, currently the best male figure skater in the entire world?” Finn took another drink of his beer and sighed. “You really are fucking stupid, Rey.”

Rose smacked his arm, rolling her eyes as she turned back to Rey, who was currently burying her hands into the hair falling over her shoulders. “Don’t be rude, Finn. It can happen to anyone. Ben Solo is an attractive guy, and I’m sure most girls in her situation would be at least a little tempted.” Finn gave her a look, and Rose just sighed. “Except me because I’m in a happy and fulfilling relationship and whatever. Yeah, yeah.”

“It’s not like I meant for it to happen, but it just sucks. I get crushes all the time, and they’re kinda intense maybe for a week, then I don’t see them for a while, and it all fades, but I can’t escape seeing him during these competitions. I know it’s a bad idea, and I have no interest in pursuing it at all.”

“I don’t know, girl. It sounds like you want that dick.”

Rey opened her mouth to object, but Rose cut her off almost immediately. “She  _ does _ want the dick, Finn, but sometimes we ladies gotta give up that dream and get some more sensible dick instead.”

He lifted his glass just slightly and downed another swig of beer. “I’ll cheers to that.”

*

It was dark when Rey jolted awake, blinking the bleariness away as the light of the clock came into focus.  _ 10:29.  _ For a moment, she wondered if she’d had a nightmare, but then there was the distinct sound of a knock on the door, and Rey was on her feet, grumbling something incoherent about jetlag.

She didn’t even consider thinking about the fact that she had absolutely no fucking idea who the hell was at her door until he was right in front of her. “Hey. Were you asleep?”

Rey stared at him for a moment that was just long enough to be uncomfortable. “Maybe. What do you want?”

“Have you been missing anything?” He nodded down at his feet, and her eyes settled on a suitcase that looked exactly like her own back inside the room.

“Oh, I’ve got my suitcase.”

Ben rose an eyebrow. “Oh, really? Have you opened it?”

“No, but…” She looked down at the suitcase again and sighed. “We swapped them.”

“Yep.”

“Come on in,” Rey said, waving him in as she flicked on the room light. Rose wasn’t in bed on her side of the room, and she only vaguely remembered her mentioning that she was going out with Finn. That felt like an eternity ago.

Rey’s suitcase was left at the base of her bed, untouched from where she’d dropped it when she initially checked in. She hadn’t had time to change or anything before Finn and Rose swooped her up to go out with them, so she honestly had no idea whether or not her suitcase was, well, her suitcase. “How’d we switch?”

“Probably in the hotel lobby,” he said, lifting the suitcase onto the bed and unhooking and flipping the top over. It was most definitely Rey’s suitcase, everything haphazardly thrown in there at the last second because she was running late for her flight yesterday. “At first I wondered if someone broke into it, but when I found a box of tampons, I figured that wasn’t the case.”

Rey wasn’t sure what was worse: The fact he found all her personal items or the fact he’d felt the need to mention it. “Well, thanks for returning it to me, I guess. Glad we fixed it.”

“No problem.” Ben took ahold of his actual suitcase handle and returned his gaze to her eyes. “I should probably…”

In reality, she should’ve agreed, but they were all alone in a room nearing what would be one of the most important competitions of her life, and the lovesick teenager in her couldn’t just brush that fact off, no matter how treacherous it was. “Ben, would you… like to take a walk?”

He was silent for a moment, staring at her as if she’d made a joke, but then he nodded, and she was leading them out the door.

*

The park was quiet even for the early hour, no one wanting to brave the cold of South Korea until they absolutely had to. Rey and Ben were the exception to this, stuck close together as snow crunched under their shoes. Maybe she was crazy for leading him out this way, but she needed to clear her head, and the icy air seemed like just the way to do it.

“So you’re here alone?” he asked eventually, hair curling from under his cap.

“Alone how?”

He shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. Rey resisted the urge to do the same. “Your coach. I’ve never seen them at any of your competitions. Are they with other skaters?”

“Something like that.”

Ben stopped in his tracks then, forcing Rey to turn to him. “Tell me the truth. Please. Where are they? There’s no way you’ve made it to this level without a coach. Or any level for that matter. This isn’t fucking  _ Ice Princess. _ ”

Rey looked down at the footprints in the snow and shook her head. “It’s not that I don’t have a coach. I just… can’t afford for her to be here with me. Besides, she’s elderly and doesn’t like to travel. It doesn’t matter. I do well enough on my own.”

“Rey… you need a coach that’s always there for you, especially during occasions like this. You’re at the fucking Olympics, and your coach didn’t bother working something out to come?”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“Rey—”

She took a step back and met his eyes again. “Shut up, Solo. It’s none of your fucking business, okay? I don’t need any of your pity or stupid advice. Stop trying to fix things that don’t need to be fixed.” It didn’t come out as angry and self-assured as she wished it did, more exasperated than anything, and she wished that wasn’t an accurate depiction of what she was feeling. Rey, honestly, did wish things would change, wished that she had money to pay for her coach to come with her to competitions and afford new boots when she really needed them and have someone to sit by at the Kiss and Cry, but it wasn’t a realistic ideal. It never would be.

“And why do you care?” she added, the cherry on top to an awful conversation. If Ben didn’t hate her already, he sure did now. “It’s not like you actually like me. Whatever you’re trying to make this, a mentorship or charity project, is not ever going to happen.”

“Is that why you think I’m spending time with you?” 

“Isn’t it? Sorry, but the greatest skaters of all time don’t hang around first-year Seniors just for fun. I know there’s a catch, and I’m not into it.”

His face hadn’t changed the entire time she spent ragging on him, but now there was the smallest hint of a smirk on his lips. “You really are fucking clueless, aren’t you?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You really have no inclination as to why I’m talking to you?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Have you not listened to a word I said?”

“I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“You’re gonna make me say it. Okay. Rey…” He wiped his hand across his face, nose red from the chill, and sighed. “I like you.”

_ Like her?  _ What the hell was that supposed to mean? “What are you talking about?”

Ben threw his head back and made a noise in his throat that could’ve been either a groan or a whine. “Please, you can’t be that oblivious. I  _ like _ you, as in I…  _ like like _ you.”

There was a moment that the word first entered her consciousness that Rey went “ _ What in the hell is this guy on about?” _ but when the realization of what he meant dawn on her, she found herself holding back snorts. “Are you trying to tell me you have a crush on me?”

His cheeks were red, but there was no telling whether it was just the cold or was influenced by this situation. “Yeah, I guess you can put it that way.” He reached and scratched the back of his neck. “Right, anyway, I should go. Sorry to waste your time. Good luck during your competitions.”

He was already walking away when she called out his name, making him stop dead in his tracks and turn to her. There weren’t a lot of ways Rey figured this situation would go—actually, didn’t think this situation would  _ ever _ occur—but standing out in the snow when the clock was nearing midnight was definitely not even in the realm of possibility. 

Taking a deep breath, she stepped in the tracks Ben made in the snow and stopped directly in front of him. Small snow flurries fell from the sky and park lights casted some kind of ethereal glow around them, a contrast of warm when all Rey could feel was the cold, bitter air, and the sinking in her chest when the realization of what she was doing set in.

_ This shouldn’t happen, _ a part of her insisted, except then she was reaching up and pressing her lips against his.

There was a moment of pure terror, a split second where she thought that he’d pull away and reject her, and all the strength she’d built up for this moment would be turned into fragments of nothing, but those feelings faded immediately when he pressed his hands against her cheek.

Rey always planned and practiced and repeated everything in her life. It felt good. It felt right. But, somehow, this felt even better.

*

They were standing in front of her door, foreheads pressed together and breaths mingling as they revelled in each other’s heat once more. So many thoughts ran through her head, warnings and fear and anger for letting him bring her to this, but that was all overshadowed by the more primal parts of her brain that just wished he was closer.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ben whispered, lips nearly brushing hers as they moved. 

Rey nodded but immediately regretted doing so when he pulled away and shoved his hands back into his coat. She prayed that he would kiss her again, a silent thought that wouldn’t be voiced aloud because why would it be? This was a fluke, but there were so many parts of her that wished it wasn’t.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she agreed with a smile and watched as he walked off.

It wasn’t until Rey was tucked under the covers with the lights out that she realized that his suitcase was still on the floor, right next to hers.

*

It took a lot of asking around and some potentially illegal bribery, but Rey had somehow tracked down Ben’s room number, two floors above hers. She ignored the implications of what this could’ve been interpreted as, bringing a suitcase to a room that was most definitely not hers, and looked straight past anyone who passed by. 

The number one rule in just about anything: Fake it ‘til you make it.

She stopped in front of his door and tapped her knuckles on it three times before dropping her hand and balancing nervously on her heels. The grim reality of the situation nagged at her— _ Why the hell are you doing this? You had one kiss, and now you’re chasing after him like a lovesick schoolgirl _ . Even so, Rey kept her held high, even as the lock of the door clicked and her brain screamed at her to retreat before it was too late.

She tried not to turn into a fidgety mess the moment she laid eyes on him, but it was proven a challenge on this particular day. There weren’t many things she was expecting to face when the door opened, and Ben Solo standing in nothing but his boxers was definitely not in the realm of her imagination.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I thought you were my coach.”

She gave the most pathetic wave as she forced her eyes to remained glued to his instead of all the other places it could be focused on. Namely the broad expanse of his chest, the outline of abs on his stomach, or the boxer-briefs clinging to his—Fuck, this definitely wasn’t a good idea. “Hey. Um, I brought your stuff back. You accidentally left it in my room last night.”

He looked down then and laughed. “Yeah, I realized last night as I was getting ready for bed. I didn’t wanna come bother you again. Thanks for making the trip up here.”

“It’s no problem. Anyway, glad you got your stuff back. I should probably—”

“Rey.” She looked up at him, at the face of the man who she’d kissed last night—Quite a few times, actually—and tried to find it in herself to muster up any ounce of regret, but nothing came. “Do you wanna come in?”

Rey liked to think she contemplated entering for longer than a second, but she stepped in immediately, and any brief thought of self-preservation was completely out the window when he pressed his lips to hers before the door had even closed all the way.

His body was warm. That was the first thing she noticed. His bed was even warmer. That was the second.

Rey’s hair spread out over the sheets as Ben released it from its loose top knot with ease. His lips were on her neck, mumbling incoherent words in between kisses, as his hands settled in a tight grip on her hips. This was not the way Rey had predicted her morning going, but it was a welcome change, especially since Ben seemed to have the exact same idea as her if the press of his hard cock against her was any indication.

“Ben,” she gasped out in a whisper. “Please. More.”

A hand moved from her hip to cupping her cheek, and she had to resist telling him exactly where she wanted it to go. “So eager. We’ve got all morning. It’s only, what, eight?”

“Nine.”

His eyes widened. “Nine?” Within a second, he had jumped off her and thrown open his suitcase. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be at practice. I must’ve set my alarm in the wrong timezone. Damn it.”

Rey knew she couldn’t hide her disappointment, but she sat up and pressed her palm against the back of his hand. “It’s fine. We’re gonna be here for a while. Don’t worry about it.”

Ben nodded as he pulled on a shirt. “I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

*

As it turned out, making it up to her ended being a lot more difficult than she had expected. 

Ben’s coach practically worked him into the ground, and he rarely got a moment to just hang out with all the other athletes like she had been for the past week. The hotels had numerous recreation rooms where athletes hung out and socialized when they weren’t practicing, and Rey found herself making friends with the people from her own country, as well as from several others. Not just skaters either—skiers, curlers, snowboarders, and, most surprisingly, hockey players. The Olympics was meant to promote unity among countries, and she found there was no better promotion of unity than playing Mario Kart with a Swiss snowboarder and all of his buddies.

Most of these people would probably fall out of touch with her in a few weeks, but it was nice to be able to just sit back and relax without her every move under scrutiny. Skating was just funny like that.

“Have you been enjoying yourself, Rey?”

Rey looked up from her phone toward Kaydel, a skater in the Ladies’ field that she’d come to get to know. She’d placed in the top 6 of all the competitions she and Rey had shared together, including the Grand Prix Final, so that meant Kaydel was among the best in the field, and if the odds fell out of Rey’s favor, that meant it was possible for her to snatch a medal right out of her hands. “Oh, yeah. It’s been great, though I’m a little nervous about competing next wee—”

“That’s not what I meant.” Kaydel hit her arm playfully. “I meant have you been  _ enjoying yourself? _ ” Rey just furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, and Kaydel rolled her eyes. “God, you’re hopeless. Have you been having sex?”

“ _ Kaydel, _ ” Rey hissed, eyes shooting around the rec room to see if anyone in the vicinity could hear. “You can’t just talk about that. Why would I be having sex?” She hadn’t been seen with Ben aside from an occasional acknowledgement in the halls since those first two days she’d arrived, and that had been three weeks ago. No one had seen anything, right? That was not the thing to be focusing on right before competitions began.

“It’s the Olympics, Rey. Everybody here is young and in the top shape they’ll ever be in. Why  _ wouldn’t _ we be having sex?”

She shrugged, trying to contain the blush that’s threatening to tint her cheeks. “I don’t know. It just seems weird to hook up with people when we’re here for an entirely different reason. Seems… distracting.” And it was distracting. Rey hadn’t even had sex with Ben yet, but his face appeared in her head at the most inconvenient times—in the middle of a jumping pass or a spin combination, which usually led to her tripping over her toepick. If faceplants were an element, she’d have a +6 GOE.

Kaydel laughed and shook her head. “That’s the point. It’s meant to be a distraction. It gives the people who have the crippling fear of failure a few minutes—or seconds— of distraction from themselves. It gives the people who’ve won a medal a distraction from the fame. And it gives the people who lost a distraction from that constant question in their heads of ‘What could I have done differently?’”

Rey had never thought of it like that. Hooking up back home had seemed stupid since it wasn’t her type of thing, but maybe the Olympics was exactly the place to do it. She could’ve hooked up with someone and maybe the sex was bad, but she would’ve never have had to see them again because they lived on another continent. It was an ideal scenario, wasn’t it?

Except Rey wasn’t sure she wanted that.

Being a figure skater didn’t leave much room for a social life. Most days were spent practicing in the rink, other days doing off-ice training. The few days off she did have were usually devoted to staying at home and catching up on all the TV shows she’d missed. It didn’t leave much room for the dating scene, and, besides, no one wanted to date a girl like her, a girl so obsessed with succeeding that she’d have sacrificed everything for it.

Losing her virginity on a hook-up wasn’t the way she wanted it to happen, as stupid and doe-eyed as that might have sounded. Even if it wasn’t amazing, she did want it to at least be  _ real. _

This thing with Ben was crazy, a horrible idea dressed up with a pretty face and unprecedented possibilities, but even with that, Rey was sure that this was, at least, something that they both wanted.

It wasn’t a good idea, not even close, but it was possible, and that’s all she needed to decide on.

*

Her jacket was a welcome contrast to the bitter cold of South Korea, and the cheers from the crowd were deafening as they walked. Her heart swelled as she took in the opening ceremony. This was it. This was her dream, just to make it here. Now that she had, Rey had to figure what was next, and somehow that fact alone terrified her more than anything. For now, though, she just allowed herself to bask in the glory, of the fact that this was everything she ever wanted.

Rey might’ve been one of two skaters from England, but combined with all the other athletes from her country, they were just 58. It was no match for the USA or Japan, but she did, at least, have others walking among her during the ceremony.

Even if one of those “others” was Armitage Hux.

“Hey.”

Rey just glanced at him, peeved about the fact that he was interrupting her moment more than anything else. He apparently hadn’t yet learned his lesson from the banquet in December. “Can I help you?”

“Forgive me for wanting to socialize with my teammate. You don’t have to be a bitch.”

If they weren’t steadily walking, Rey would’ve stopped dead in her tracks. “If you’re trying to get in my pants, Hux, then you’re not doing a very good job of convincing me."

“I’d rather die than get anywhere close to your vagina.” He didn’t laugh, and Rey was absolutely sure he wasn’t joking. “I just wanted to talk to you about Solo.”

She shot a glance at him, still not fully convinced. “What about him?”

“I know you like him. The guy’s messed up. You shouldn’t get in a relationship with him. I’d hate to see him get a hold of a pretty girl like you.”

“Good thing I wasn’t asking for your opinion.” Hux opened his mouth to speak again, but Rey held up a hand. “I’d suggest walking away because I am absolutely not in the mood for you and your bullshit right now, alright?”

She half-expected him to resist, but then he was walking away, and Rey was left to finally enjoy the remainder of the ceremony. 

*

They saw each other again in the hotel hall, and Rey didn’t hesitate about going to his room. She was pinned onto the mattress before she could even process it, clinging to every surface of his she could get her hands on. It had been too long, too long without any form of contact. Rey wanted to be mad, mad at him or at Snoke, but this was something they needed to get used to, living an ocean away.

That was why they should’ve stopped, but it was also why they didn’t.

“I missed you,” Ben murmured into her ear as his hands explored her stomach, shirt pushed up to right under her bra. “I wanted to see you, but Snoke kept such a close eye on me that I couldn’t get a few minutes. He said I couldn’t have any distractions.”

_ Distractions. _

“Am I a distraction?” she asked, fingers lightly tracing the curve of his ear. 

His hand drifted lower, sliding under the waistband of her pants, just barely. “You are most definitely a distraction.”

_ Fuck,  _ this wasn’t fair. Rey wasn’t self-assured enough to make a move, and now he was about to have her writhing for any kind of release. She did her best to not look like an idiot as his hand trailed just a bit lower and allowed his fingers to press into the moisture that had gathered there, but the moment he brushed her clit, all bets were off.

It wasn’t like Rey had never gotten off before, but there was just something different about laying back and putting the trust in someone to make her feel good. The build to orgasm was slow, but every sense still felt heightened in a way she’d never really experienced before. Ben was patient with her, listening to every direction she gasped out, when something felt good or didn’t, and he didn’t stop the entire time, no matter how bad she could imagine the hand cramps getting.

“God, I want to fuck you so badly,” he whispered as his fingers worked her clit. “You look so beautiful like this already, sweating and whimpering for me. Imagine what you’d look like with my cock inside you.”

That was it. That was all it took, and Rey was coming undone with a whimper that she would’ve been embarrassed about before, but she could tell Ben didn’t mind one bit. He removed his hand from her underwear and pressed it to her hip as he shifted himself on top of her. 

Panic alarms went off in Rey’s head immediately, and on instinct, she squeaked out a small “Stop.” He was off her in an instant with concern etched over his features. 

“I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?”

Rey shook her head and sat up. How did she explain to the man that just got her off that she was a virgin and was deeply terrified about it? “I just… I think we should wait.”  _ Way to go.  _ “Until after the Team event.”

“Why the Team event?”

She smiled. “I don’t know. I guess I think you shouldn’t get too much of a good thing too soon. How about a deal?”

He rose and eyebrow. “What kind of deal?”

“If the USA wins the figure skating Team event, then I’ll have sex with you.” She had decided to already, but this, at least, bought her a little bit of time. “Deal?”

Ben smiled and let out a sigh that could’ve been either one of disappointment or mirth. “Sure.”

The hope in his eyes was laughable. The Russians always won the Team event.

*

Popped jump after popped jump, fall after fall. The Russians absolutely bombed the Team event, and the USA took gold with mediocre performances by half their athletes. It was like nothing Rey had ever seen before.

If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve almost thought the world was conspiring against her and her virginity. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Rey was pacing the room, hands curled into her hair as Rose stared from her bed. “God, I’m so stupid.”

“Girl, for the love of god, calm down.”

She groaned and sunk down onto her own bed, mashing a pillow into her face. She was being insensitive to Rose, who had just placed first in the Team event for ice dance, but the fact that she was meant to be showing up at Ben’s door tonight was preoccupying every part of her mind. “I’m sorry, Rose. I just… I don’t know what to do. How do you do this kind of stuff?”

“Rey, if you don’t want to have sex with him, then don’t. You’re allowed to walk away at any time.”

She sat up and pressed her hands against her thighs. “That’s the thing, though. I want to have sex with him, but what if he doesn’t want to have sex with me when he finds out I’m a virgin? Or what if he doesn’t like what I look like? He’s older than me, more experienced, and I have no fucking clue why he showed any interest in me at all.”

Rose rolled her eyes as she tossed a pillow at Rey’s face. “Rey, sweetie, if Solo cares you’re a virgin, then he’s probably an asshole, and you shouldn’t be having sex with him anyway, same with if he doesn’t like how you look. I can personally guarantee that when any guy is having sex with you, his mind is thinking more along the lines of ‘Holy shit, a girl let me put my penis inside her.’”

“Okay, okay. No more Sex-Ed with Rose. I get the point. I’m just gonna show up and… well, I’m just gonna show up. We’ll see what happens from there.”

“But take a shower first.”

“Duh.”

*

When Ben opened the door, his hair dripping onto the shoulders of his black shirt, Rey had to take a good few seconds to get herself together. There wasn’t anything different about him, per se, but just being aware of why exactly she was here was enough to make her resolve crumble. 

“Do you want to come in?”

Rey nodded rapidly before embarrassment washed over her. This was already going badly. 

Ben moved out of the way and allowed her to enter, closing the door softly behind her as she walked into the bedroom. He’d been one of the lucky ones to not end up with a roommate, but considering he was the most likely to end up with a gold in the individual events, she understood their reasoning. Even Rey wasn’t guaranteed a spot on the podium with how packed the Ladies’ field was this year. It would’ve been a miracle if she even got a bronze. “So I take it you watched the Team event?”

Rey gave a small smile, hoping that he couldn’t see the fear in her eyes. “I did. I thought Kaydel Connix performed beautifully.”

Ben hummed and sat a hand on her hip. “Interesting. Anyone else stick out to you?”

“Storm and Tico did exceptionally well,” she said, holding her breath as he leaned closer.

“Hm,” he mused. “Anyone else?”

Rey pulled away just slightly to look him straight in the eye. “I heard Armitage Hux’s performance was just lovely. You know, I think that—Hey!” she squeaked as his fingers pinched her thigh, just hard enough to hurt. “What was that for?”

“Armitage Hux, really? I thought you had good taste.”

“Really? Because if I recall correctly I’ve spent the past week-and-a-half kissing you, and that does not sound like good taste to me.”

At that, Ben leaned down to bend Rey over his shoulder, ignoring her combination of screeching and giggling as he dropped her onto his bed. “He didn’t even compete! Take it back,” he said, climbing to straddle her hips.

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Make me.” There were a lot of things Rey thought he was going to do—Kiss her, get her off again, maybe even refuse to fuck her—but pressing his fingers into her sides and watching as she screeched was not one of them. “What the hell, Ben! Stop tickling me!”

“Take it back!”

“You’re the fucking worst!” She let out another miserable laugh-screech before she finally caved. “Fine, I take it back!”

His hands stopped moving but still pressed down on her hips. “Say it.”

Rey groaned. “Hux sucks and you did better than him.” Especially considering England hadn’t even participated in the Team Event.

“And?”

A sigh. “Kissing you is not in bad taste.”

“Good girl.” Ben finally released Rey from his grip and collapsed next to her with a huff. “Can you believe it’s next week? Are you nervous?”

Rey didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. “I’m petrified,” she admitted, shifting to face him. “It feels like everything I’ve worked for has led me to this moment, and I don’t know if I trust myself to keep going.”

Ben smiled and pressed a hand to her cheek. “You’re going to be amazing. Doesn’t matter if you win or lose because the fact that you made it at all is something worth celebrating. It’s your first Senior season. I didn’t even make the podium during my first Olympics, and you’re 19, Rey. You have a whole career ahead of you.”

“What about you?” she asked and immediately regretted it. It was no secret Ben was 29, which was considered practically ancient for a figure skater. Only a select few—usually ice dancers—made it past 30, so it was more than likely that this was Ben’s last Olympics.

He just shrugged, curling a finger into her hair. “Don’t know. I haven’t had any major injuries aside from a broken arm from a bad fall, but every practice leaves me aching so much more than it used to. It all just depends if I can get through this season. I figure the Olympics is a good way to go out, you know?”

It was a sad reality but inevitable all the same, and she almost wished she wouldn’t be there to witness an end of an era. “Don’t worry about it yet,” she whispered, pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth. “Focus on the now.”

Ben sat up on his elbows, hair falling over his eyes as he stared down at her with that smile that could have melted even the coldest of hearts. It was when she saw that smile that she remembered that maybe falling for him wasn’t that crazy, after all. “I will very gladly focus on the now.” Gently, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, and she reached up to twist her fingers into his hair.

With his body pressed against her burning skin, the kiss wasn’t anything close to innocent, but it wasn’t the sexually-charged expedition she’d expected from this moment. Even with what Ben was expecting from tonight, he was still soft, slow, almost as if he knew exactly what she needed from this moment.

“Ben, I need to tell you something,” Rey murmured when he moved from her lips to her neck. 

He pulled away immediately. “Yeah?”

It took her a moment of just staring up at him, studying the way the locks of hair clung to his forehead and how flushed his cheeks looked, until she found it in herself to speak. “I’m not sure if this will change anything, and I hope it doesn’t, but…” Maybe it was a dealbreaker. Maybe he just didn’t fuck virgins. Maybe this night would end in disappointment for the both of them. “I’m a virgin.”

He stared at her silently for just a second too long. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I just… didn’t realize.”

“Yeah.” She averted her eyes, trying to will the blush developing on her face away. “Is that a problem?”

“What?” He pressed a hand to her cheek. “Rey, I don’t care about that. Well, I mean, I’m glad you told me, of course, because we might have to do some things differently, but it doesn’t matter like that. I’m not exactly a sex god either.”

She laughed. “Color me surprised. I’d have figured with all your fans thirsting over you that you’d have a long line of people ready to ride your dick.”

“That is the worst thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, Johnson.” He kissed the corner of her mouth and brushed her hair from her forehead. “You’re okay with this though? We don’t have to do anything you wanna do. Losing your virginity is pretty special to some people, so if I’m not the person you have in mind then—”

Rey silenced him by pressing her mouth against his, and that was enough. 

*

“Rey.”

She groaned.

“Rey.”

Another groan, but this time she opened one eye and immediately squinted. The sunlight was pouring in directly next to the bed, so she rolled over, which happened to be a bit of huge mistake. Ben Solo shirtless was a sight to behold, that she already knew, but Ben Solo shirtless with rumpled hair, lovebites littering his skin, and sheets pooled at his waist was a completely different venture.

“Morning, sunshine.” He sat up and stretched out his shoulders, and Rey averted her eyes in a desperate attempt to get her mind of the gutter. “Hungry?”

_ Yes.  _ “What time is it?”

“Almost eight. I don’t have to be at the rink until nine.” He slid back down next to her, pressing his nose to her neck as his arms snaked around her waist.

Ben Solo was a cuddler, and that was something Rey was very glad to know. “Skip the rink. Stay here with me.”

He hummed. “Very tempting, but if I skipped Snoke would march right in here and drag me down to practice. I’d rather spare us the embarrassment.”

“Tell him you’re sick then.” Anything, she’d do anything to keep him here with her, holding her like he is now. “Tell him you’re fucking someone from the Ladies’ field. It’s almost like practice, isn’t it?”

Ben laughed and shook his head, pressing a kiss to her mouth. “Almost, mostly because I think we need a lot more of it.”

She pinched his arm. “Hey, I tried my best, okay? We can’t all be Ben Solo, sex expert.”

“You did great.” His hand slid from where it was pressed against her waist down under the sheets and settling on her thighs. “So, so great.”

Rey was more than aware where this was going, and she’d have been lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying it. He stripped away the sheets from her body and positioned himself to where his mouth was pressed against against her inner thigh, and Rey could only shut her eyes at the first swipe of his tongue against her.

*

“What’s going on with you?” Kaydel asked as Rey limped over to the boards. “That was the fifth jump you missed. Everything okay?”

Rey dusted the snow off her pants from yet another botched attempt at her lutz before forcing herself to take a drink of the lukewarm water in her water bottle. Her triple lutz had been so consistent this season, said to be one of the cleanest in the Ladies’ field, and now every attempt sucked a little more life out of her. It wasn’t just lutzes either. It was the spins getting off-center and travelling like hell. It was tripping over toepicks on spirals and hitting the ice so hard she had to make sure all of her ribs were in place. Everything was just  _ off. _ “Yeah, I’m fine. Just having a weird day.”  _ Weird week, more like. _

Kaydel nodded and set her water bottle down. “I feel you. The short program is coming up really soon, and I kind of want to vomit every time I think about it.”

Rey agreed, but she knew deep down the short program wasn’t what was wrong with her. It was part of it, yeah, but the real reason she was so off was obvious: Ben. She was grateful for his presence in her life, a well-meaning distraction from the voice in her head antagonizing her every move, but he had suddenly become the one thing she vowed to never have.

A distraction.

It wasn’t his fault she was a silly, lovestruck little girl with no relationship experience, but the moment his face started popping up during every jumping pass and every spin combination and with the short program just two days away now, something had to give.

Rey spoke with Kaydel just a few more minutes returning back to the ice. Two more lutzes later, only one of which she landed, the rink was called for the end of their session, to both her dismay and relief. 

As Rey unlaced her skates on the benches, someone plopped down on the seat directly in front of her. She glanced up just to see who was encroaching on her personal space when there was plenty of other seating available, but the face she was met with made all of those thoughts die where they stood. “Oh… hey.”

Ben was busy unzipping his bag and pulling out a scuffed up pair of Edea Pianos with bright red soakers on the blades. “Hey. How’s it going?”

Rey turned back to unlacing her boots, slipping her foot out once the tongue was loose. “Good. Since when do you practice at this time?”

“Problem with ice resurfacing this morning. Got moved to right after yours. How was practice?”

She shrugged as she wiped off her blade with her towel and slipped her green soakers onto the blade. “It was okay. Not great.”

“I’m sorry. Do you want any help?” He pulled out the tongue of his unlaced boot and slipped his foot inside as she shook her head. “Fair enough. I was wondering… would it be okay if I took you out tonight? I thought we could do something.”

There was a part of Rey that wanted to say no. They’d spent most of their nights together through the past week, any free time they could get, and it was all becoming a little exhausting, but the thought that after the Olympics ending they wouldn’t be able to see each other again until Worlds was consuming.

“What time?”

*

He came to her door at half past eleven at night, and Rey literally pulled him into the room despite the fact that her roommate was in her bed, very much awake. She’d been confused as to why he’d wanted to meet here of all places when usually them meeting up always ended in sex, and Rey’s room was the last place to get privacy, but he’d been very adamant about the idea, so she didn’t bother arguing. 

“Good evening,” he said when the door closed behind him, leaning in to press a kiss against her neck. “Ready to go?”

“You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” she whispered, shoving a hat on her head, a matching set to her mittens. 

He nodded down to the bag he was holding in his hands. “I think you’ll be able to figure it out once we get there.”

A part of her wanted to protest, but then he opened the door, and it was either stand there until he told her what the hell was going on or get a taste of a little adventure for once.

They walked out of the hotel without much of a worry, setting out into the glistening Olympic Village. The sidewalks had been shoveled recently, so their trek was easy, but Rey still clutched Ben’s hand probably more than what was necessary, but if he minded, he didn’t say so. It was just a few minutes later that Ben stopped in front of a building, and Rey turned to him.

“What?”

“This is it.”

Rey glanced over to the building then back to him. “Really? We’re going to the rink?” 

He tugged at her hand, pulling her forward. “Yes.”

“You’re such a nerd. We spend our entire lives on the rink, and you want to do it in your free time too?”

He pulled her close and pressed his lips against her cold cheek. “Come on, indulge me just this once.”

Rey shook her head and smiled before kissing him. “Fine, what the hell? Let’s do it.”

*

“How’d you even get access to this place?” she asked as he locked the door back behind them. The rink’s lights were set on dim, and she was all too aware of the security cameras sat in every corner of the lobby. “We’re not gonna get in trouble, right?” The absolute last thing she needed was getting banned from the Olympics because she got caught breaking into an Olympic rink with one of the top male skaters in the world. 

Ben rejoined her again with his bag in hand and led her into the rink access doors. “Someone owes me a favor. It’s not a big deal. I’ll take one hundred percent of the blame if we get caught.”

“I don’t want you to take one hundred percent of the blame!”

He opened the door for her. “Well, let’s not get caught then, hm?”

Rey laced up her stolen skates—“Rose got them for me, I swear!” had been his defense for as to how he got them—as she normally did and watched as Ben did the same, securing the top with skate tape before slipping on red and black hard guards onto the blades of. She followed him to the rink and watched as he unlocked the door and took off his guards before stepping out onto the ice. He stood there, waiting for her, and Rey reluctantly did the same, setting her guards on the boards before stepping onto the awaiting ice.

This was among the quietest ice time she’d had in years, since she’d been a little girl and sneaking into the rink in shitty, unsharpened hire skates. Then, it’d been her only semblance of peace, and the sound of her blades as she glided had to have been the most satisfying noise in existence. This was how it all began, and it seemed absolutely ridiculous now that she was skating next to one of the best figure skaters in the entire world.

Now that  _ she _ was considered to be one of the best figure skaters in the entire world.

“Rey?” Ben asked, breaking her out of her trance. “You okay?”

She nodded and looked ahead at the clean ice, ignoring the cold nipping at her ears. “I’m perfect.”

Ben took her hand and flipped around so that he was skating backwards facing her. “Ever thought about pair skating?” he asked her as they glided around the perimeter of the rink, marring the ice with the tracings of their blades. There was just something so natural about this, about him holding her and just skating. This was what they’d dedicated their lives to, and putting it all together seemed like the logical next step, but there was just something so isolating about skating where it never crossed her mind until this exact moment. 

“Pair skating? Hell no. I’d be terrible at it.”

He laughed and took her other hand, pulling her closer to where their toes almost touched like something out of a shitty “skating couple” stock image. “Why? Not good at working as a team.”

“No, I’m just too damn tall.” She tapped his leg with her boot. “You, on the other hand, are the perfect build for a pair skater. Maybe you should consider it. I’m sure any pair skater would be dying to have Ben Solo, Men’s Singles Olympian, as their partner.”

He laughed. “That’s just a disaster waiting to happen.”

_ So is this, _ a dark part of her mind whispered. 

For a few minutes, she closed her eyes and there was nothing, just the faint feeling of his lips on her neck as they skated blindly with only each other in mind. It was there and only there, clinging to the warmth of Ben’s chest, that she let herself succumb to the thoughts that had been nagging at her brain for weeks. A disaster, indeed, they would be, but Rey couldn’t help but think they’d be the most beautiful kind.

*

She woke up to the sun and a note. 

_ Rey, _

_ Gone to training. Didn’t want to wake you. Extra clothes are in the bottom drawer and there are protein drinks in the fridge if you want them. See you tonight x _

_ Love, _ _  
_ _ Ben _

*

“He dropped the fucking L-bomb?”

Rey just groaned as she clutched her pillow tight. “Not exactly. Close though. I don’t know. It’s just so weird to say out loud. Like, I knew he liked me, and like that’s obvious because we’ve been having sex for like a week now, but this is just different.”

“So do you not like him?”

“No!” Rey sighed and released her grip on the pillow just slightly. “I mean, I do like him. I like him a lot more than I probably should, honestly. It’s just scary, you know? What if I get attached to him and then he leaves? I’m not sure I could handle that.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Yes, you could. You absolutely could handle that, but I’m going to tell you right now that that will not happen. Ben Solo looks at you like you’re the most fucking beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his life, and that doesn’t scream ‘one-night-stand’ or even ‘week-night-stand’ to me. The guy’s in love with you. Hard.”

“What do I do then?”

“Tell him you like him back, duh.”

Rey huffed and pulled her knees up to her chest. “But he knows that, doesn’t he? I mean, it’s not hard to miss.”

“This is Ben Solo, actual human disaster, we’re talking about. Do I really need to answer that question?”

*

The Men’s programs were days apart from the Ladies’, which meant that while Rey was sitting in the stands next to Finn and Rose with a blanket on her lap, Ben was warming up backstage, getting ready for the short program. She watched with shaky hands as his group took the ice for their warm-up, heart beating more than it should have considering she wasn’t even competing yet. Watching the other skaters was supposed to be relaxing, not give her crippling anxiety, but before there wasn’t this much at stake.

God, she hoped Ben was holding up better than she was. Out on the ice, his movements were fluid and easy, but there was no telling how that would translate into his actual skating when the time came. Too many skaters found themselves cracking under the pressure the Olympics put upon their shoulders, and it only took anyone who paid enough attention to the athletes to realize it. Still, though, this wasn’t Ben’s first time here. Hell, it wasn’t even his  _ second _ time here. This was the third Olympics he’d participated in, and many said this was the one he’d finally earn his gold medal.

She could only hope.

“Damn, did you see that quad toe?” Kaydel, with all her talents, was sporting binoculars instead of watching the screen displaying the skaters unlike every other normal human at the rink, and Rey was 99% sure it was to get a better view of Poe Dameron’s ass. “That’s sexy. Good technique too.”

Rose elbowed Kaydel and made a grab for her binoculars. “Sure, ‘technique.’ Keep telling yourself that. You gonna let me see or keep it all to yourself?”

“Hey, hey!” Finn butt in, yanking the blanket he and Rose were sharing completely off her. “No talking about other skaters’ techniques while I’m sitting here! Rose, I thought you loved me.”

She sent him a pout face and scooted closer to Kaydel. “Sorry, babe, but we’re here for science. Research, if you will. It’s important. Wouldn’t you agree, Rey?”

Rey ripped her eyes away from the screen, which was currently displaying Ben’s maddening quad-triple-double combination, and turned to them. “What?”

“Technique is  _ very _ important. I think you of all people would agree.”

“Are you trying to throw out a really dumbass innuendo? Because that’s what I’m getting, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m stupid or you’re stupid.”

Rose reached across Kaydel to shove Rey. “Bitch, don’t even get me started.”

Finn snorted and leaned forward so he and Rey could make eye contact. “Is she talking about that one dude you said you liked that time? How’d that go?”

_ That one dude. _ Finn apparently was so drunk when she told him he couldn’t even remember. Fucking lightweight. “Yeah, we’ve been fucking for over a week now, and he’s skating tonight. Can you guess who?”

Finn’s jaw dropped.

There was a steady ten minutes of prodding questions that Rey only half-answered before it was announced the warm-up was over and the first skater would be taking the ice. From that point forward, Rey solely watched the performances and the skaters, trying to alleviate the anxiety bubbling in her chest, but by the fourth skater, it seemed useless to even try.

Poe Dameron did well, just as expected, and Finn, Rose, and Kaydel cheered with an American flag waving above their flags, leaving Rey to realize that not only had she not brought one, but that she’d rather have jumped off the stadium seating than wave it for Hux, the only British skater in the Men’s field.

Kaydel had rolled her eyes when Hux skated on and griped under her breath about how trashy his outfit looked the entirety of his performance. Hux, himself, had performed well, completing his program cleanly except for stepping out of his triple axel, so his score had put him, unsurprisingly, in first place, but Rey had never been impressed with him the way others seemed to be. The program was fine, yeah, but it was just trying too hard to make Hux into something he wasn’t: A good artistic performer.

Rey nearly fell out of her seat when Ben stepped out onto the ice.

“You going to be okay, sis?”

Rey swatted at whoever’s voice that was—she didn’t care enough to find out who it was—and watched with bated breath as Ben skated his way to the center. There was a brief moment of silence where all noise seemed to cease, the arena quiet enough to hear a pin drop from across the rink, and then the music started and there was no telling what would happen next.

There were few words that could describe Ben’s program, despite how many times she’d seen it already this season. Most skaters fell victim to the ice, did as it pleased and prayed it would be kind to them, Rey included. Ben, however, absolutely commanded it, bent the ice to his will like it belonged to him, and in a way it did.

The first minute alone was enough to strike fear into the hearts of anyone competing against him, but by the time his first jump approached, it was all over. The jumps were phenomenal, even better than in the Team event, and even the spins, which were usually his biggest struggle, had improved. It was a gold medal performance, and everybody knew it the moment the music stopped.

Ben’s chest was heaving as he stepped off the ice and slid his guards onto his blades. Snoke was waiting for him in the Kiss and Cry, not looking nearly as happy as he should have considering his student gave one of the best performances of the season, but Rey just figured he was one of  _ those _ coaches, the ones who were never satisfied. Just like her. 

It was only a minute or so they waited, but time seemed to stretch beyond it. Rey was gripping her seat with anticipation and didn’t loosen up, even as Kaydel said something about having an aneurysm. They were into this too because this wasn’t just a matter of if he’d win, it was a matter of by how much.

After that agonizing minute, the scores were released, and the screams were absolutely deafening. 

*

114.93. He was now the world record holder for the Men’s short program, and the celebrations were off the hook. (Well, as much as it could’ve been by figure skating’s standards.) Ben was already the Olympic champion of the world according to BuzzFeed, and Rey didn’t see the buzz dying down much before the next event. 

Ben, however, had seemed rather numb more than anything. After the scores were called, he’d simply nodded and left, not staying for long before heading out with his coach. It was typical for him, always the picture of composure and never one for unnecessary celebration, but it didn’t stop anyone from calling him an entitled asshole, her friends included.

Rey, herself, ended up at his door not long after the competition officially ended, sporting a purse with a helpful change of clothing for the morning. It was questionable whether Ben wanted to actually do anything after the competition and risk staying up late the night before the freeskate, but it was better to be safe than have to do the walk of shame back to her room once again if things got a little more than friendly.

She half-expected him to be in his underwear again, but even after the time that had passed, Ben was back in his warm-up outfit, hair sticking to his forehead. “Oh, hey. I wasn’t expecting you for a little while.”

“Oh, sorry.” Rey guessed she had been a bit quick to come, but it seemed necessary to be the very first one to congratulate him aside from his coach. 

“Don’t apologize, Rey. Come in.”

She did as he asked and slipped into the room, perching herself on the bed as he closed the door behind her. “I watched your performance. You were so amazing. Probably the best performance I’ve seen from you this season.”

Ben just laughed and slid next to her. “I’m aware you’re not fond of my programs. No need to lie about it. Badly, I’ll add.”

“What? I’m not lying.”

“Sure.”

“I’m not!”

“Whatever you say, hon.” Ben pressed his mouth to her shoulder and sighed. “I smell so bad.”

Rey laughed and elbowed him off. “Yes, you do. I think you need a shower.”

He rose his eyebrows and smirked. “Wanna come with me?”

“Take a shower with your sweaty body?” She snorted. “I don’t know about that. You sure the shower’s even big enough for the both of us?”

His lips pressed against her cheek as his arms came to circle around her waist. “I guess we can go find out.” 

As it turned out, the shower wasn’t too small, but fitting Ben’s massive body in with Rey’s confined the space quite a bit more than it should have been. Though, any focus on the shower was drowned when he pressed his lips to hers. She wasn’t stupid or brave enough to try shower sex, but it seemed Ben was just satisfied with standing under the stream of water with her in his arms. 

“I was so scared,” he mumbled into her hair, fingers running up and down her back. “I was so scared I was gonna fuck everything up in the program. The entire time I was just thinking in my head ‘You better nail this jump or Rey’s not gonna have sex with you ever again.’”

Rey gave an appalled laugh. “Oh my god, you know I wouldn’t do that!”

“Yeah, but no sex from you ever again seemed pretty serious at the time.”

She hummed. “Did it now?”

Ben laughed and reached over to the bottle of shampoo that was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dumping out a handful before massaging it into his hair. It was a strange sight, watching Ben Solo’s signature black hair wet and slicked with soap as water poured down his back. It was easy to forget all his credentials and achievements, the program that he’d just completed. When Ben was with her he was just… Ben.

“It did. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover.”

Rey rolled her eyes and pressed her fingers into his head, massaging the shampoo into his scalp. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, champ. How long does this stuff have to stay in?”

He huffed. “This  _ stuff  _ happens to be a part of a very expensive set of hair products and has to be rinsed, repeated twice, and accompanied by conditioner that’s left in for at least fifteen minutes.”

“Well, have fun with that, Solo, but I’m here strictly for a rinse off, not to watch you get off to hair conditioning.”

He let out a small ‘oof’ and shook his head. “That was cruel. My ego’s bruised.” Leaning down, Ben kissed her and dug his soap-covered fingers into her hips. “Wait for me in bed? I won’t be too long, I promise.”

Rey pretended to consider, as if she wasn’t going to lie in his bed, raid his fridge, and watch Netflix anyway. “I suppose I can do that, but you’re gonna owe me.”

A smirk. “Deal.”

They kissed one last time before Rey exited the shower and wrapped a towel around herself as she walked out of the bathroom. Ben’s skating bag was discarded on the floor, and his skates were resting right next to it, laces loose and tongue pulled up to allow the boot to air out. Near the window was the rest of his suitcases, again the same set she owned, but the small closet door was open, revealing most of Ben’s clothes already hanging up. 

Rey sighed and moved toward her own bag with her changes of clothes. Among the items she packed, pajamas were one of them, but if Ben’s antics tonight had said anything, it was the fact that she probably wouldn’t need them. Instead, Rey tucked her towel in further and collapsed onto the newly-made bed, pushing the tidy covers out of the way as she reached for her phone. There probably wasn’t time for a Netflix show, but there was always time for Twitter, especially now that Figure Skating was actually one of their trending hashtags.

It wasn’t anything new, none that she saw anyway, just old and new fans alike thirsting over Ben’s program. For once, Rey actually didn’t blame them. It was a historical program that the fandom would’ve been talking about for years. She would let them have their fun this one night, just as she would have hers.

Twenty minutes later, and Rey was wondering if that actually was going to happen since Ben still was MIA, and now she was just sitting in a bed in a towel with messy hair and no makeup, and, honestly, it was looking a little pathetic. There was always the possibility of getting started a little earlier without Ben, but masturbating on a bed in a room that wasn’t hers seemed a little creepy, and the last thing she needed was her pseudo-boyfriend thinking she was some kind of crazy psycho fan. 

Instead, Rey just huffed and slid the phone onto the nightstand, shutting her eyes as the hiss of water continued to run through the shut bathroom door. She wasn’t sure how long it was, could’ve been a few minutes or an hour, but her mind drifted to sleep and was awoken by a voice that was most definitely  _ not _ Ben Solo.

“Who are you?”

Rey nearly jumped out of her skin, pulling the white towel tighter around her body as she came face to face with none other than James Snoke. Just fucking perfect. “I-I’m… Rey.” It was a stupid response, but it was all she managed to force out.

“I’m aware of that. I’m not dense. Would you mind telling me where my student is?”

She nodded numbly and pointed at the bathroom door, which was still closed with the sound of running water still apparent. Being alone in a towel with a man she didn’t know or care for was close to bottom of Rey’s fun list, and she prayed that Ben got his fucking ass out here soon, or else she was taking off with no goodbye or clothes.

Snoke’s icy blue eyes looked her up and down where she sat frozen in her seat on Ben’s bed, and she could only shiver. “So this is the secret he’s been keeping from me. I knew there was someone he was involved with, but I didn’t expect her to be so… plain.” He hummed and stalked off toward the window opposite of her. “Interesting.”

“Plain?” she squeaked out, finally finding a semblance of a voice again.

“Yes, plain.” He turned back to her, raking his eyes over her body once more before sitting down on the window seat. “I suppose you’re pretty, but there’s nothing much else to you. Brown hair, brown eyes, too thin, and not well-endowed. Not to mention the fact that your skating is neither here nor there. It’s… interesting.”

Her face was red from what could’ve been either embarrassment or outrage. It was one thing to make comments on her body, and it was another entirely to make comments on her skating. “I don’t recall asking for your opinion,” Rey spat back, jumping to her feet. What was she supposed to do now? This man was sending about 50 red flags every second he was here, and Rey had no way out unless it meant grabbing all of her stuff and running. 

“Perhaps not,” Snoke said, standing up and stalking close to her.  _ Too close, too close, too close, _ her mind screamed with every foot he gained but there was nowhere else to go. Rey was just about to bolt when, finally, the shower turned off, and she heard Ben towelling off in the bathroom.

A few moments later, the bathroom door swung open, and Rey was greeted with the sight of Ben standing with dripping hair and waist wrapped in a towel. “Snoke?” His face was ghostly white when he laid eyes on them, Snoke just a foot away from Rey, who was very visibly uncomfortable with the distance between them. “What’s going on here?”

Rey used the momentary distraction to slip beside Snoke and find her way to Ben, who pulled her to him like she was his anchor. She hadn’t realized how much her hands were shaking. 

Snoke gave them that signature smile, the one that every figure skating fan knew if they’d been around long enough. It was the smile after every competition, after every time Snoke knew he had won. “Oh, nothing. We were just discussing Rey’s skating routine. It’s funny, Solo, I didn’t realize you were involved with her.”

Ben fell silent and glanced down at Rey, then back to Snoke. “I didn’t feel it was necessary.”

“Interesting,” Snoke said again. Rey was starting to hate that word. “Well, Rey, I believe your… services aren’t needed anymore tonight. Ben and I are going to be having a long talk, so feel free to leave.”

Rey looked up at Ben, gripping his arm in alarm. “But—”

He smiled and pressed a reassuring hand against her hip. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice shaky. “It’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? After the free program.”

Rey nodded and allowed herself to be removed from his grip and quickly gathered her things before slipping into the bathroom to throw on some clothes. She didn’t loiter when she was done, exiting the room before she made any eye contact with either of them. Whatever this talk was going to be between them, Rey knew she did not want to be a part of it.

*

All outdoor events were cancelled the next day due to an unexpected onslaught of snow. Unfortunately, this just meant that the Men’s freeskate was more packed than it usually was, the people having planned to spend their afternoon on the slopes finding themselves in the arena out of what was either boredom or curiosity. Rey, herself, sat in the stands with a cup of hot chocolate warming her gloved hands as Kaydel sat texting on her phone. Finn and Rose spoke in hushed tones about what could’ve been anything, and she didn’t care enough about it to ask.

“Everything okay?” Kaydel asked, looking up from her phone.

Rey just shrugged, looking out onto the empty ice rink. The first groups had already gone, and they were preparing now for the the last of them, which included Ben. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.” Kaydel scooted closer, sliding an arm around Rey’s shoulders with a comforting grip. “You can tell me the truth. Whatever it is, I won’t judge or give advice if you don’t want it.”

Rey could’ve told her about last night, about Ben’s creepy coach and the possible sexual advances, but was there any point in worrying about it? She was going to see Ben after the freeskate anyway, and any issue they might’ve had would’ve been resolved by then. It was best not to bring Kaydel into this, especially not now.

She opened her mouth to give a bullshit excuse, but then it was announced the last group would be taking the ice for their warm-up, and Rey fell completely silent. Kaydel sighed, and she tried to make herself focus on the rink.

This group was the best of the best, the highest scorers from the Men’s short program, and among them was Poe Dameron, Armitage Hux, and, of course, Ben Solo. Some skated around the ice with power stroking and edge work while others went straight into their triples and quads without hesitance. Ben was one of those people, cranking out a quad-triple combo with ease before taking a few rounds of laps and then stopping at the boards to speak with his coach.

She couldn’t wait until this was all over, until Ben finally had his gold medal and was able to relax with it in mind. His entire career would’ve been worth it in his eyes.

“What’s up with her?” she heard Finn ask Kaydel. “You see your boyf out there? Getting a lady boner?”

Rose smacked him across the face with one of her gloves. “Shut up, Finn. Leave Rey and her boyfriend alone.”

_ He’s not my boyfriend.  _ She hated how it sounded in her head. Tell her a few months ago that not only would she make it to the Olympics but also find someone she actually liked, Rey would’ve laughed her ass off. Now there weren’t many things she wanted more than for them to put a label, any label, on what they had together. It was ridiculous. Ridiculous and distracting, but the past weeks had been some of the best of her life, and for that, she would’ve done anything to keep it the way it was now.

There was a split-second of time where she opened her mouth to refute her statement, but then Kaydel shot a hand over her own mouth and gasped, eyes widening in what could’ve only been described as terror. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Rey looked toward the direction Kaydel was looking, and the moment she saw it, her heart caught in her throat. 

Two men were on the ground, faces pressed against the ice, and Rey could only watch with bated breath as she prayed— _ Please don’t be him, God, please don’t let it be him. _ She could only make out one person, Poe Dameron, who crouched down next to one of the men in what seemed like an act to help, but he seemed to hesitate touching.

The screens over the rink pictured the skaters in greater detail, giving a clearer picture as to who it was, but Rey didn’t need them. She already knew.

Ben Solo was clutching his face with his forehead planted into the ice, and he showed no signs of moving, even as Poe muttered words that couldn’t be made out. A few seconds later, it was visible: the blood. There was too much for a scratch, too much for it to just be from hitting the ground unless he’d cracked his entire skull open, but that was unlikely.

A replay of events showed the injury, and people watched with a combination of curiosity and horror. The three people involved were just skating when Hux and Ben collided, but then Poe Dameron wasn’t able to stop in time before Ben fell at his feet, and then his blade sliced open Ben’s face.

“Where the hell are the medics?” Finn asked, and Rey just shook her head, unable to peel her eyes away from the events taking place out on the ice.

Hux had already limped off the ice, a little bit of blood trickling down his chin, but everything else seemed to be in working order. It wasn’t until he was off that the medics finally made their way over to Ben, ordering Poe, who seemed borderline hysterical at this point, aside to examine their patient. It wasn’t slow, but time seemed to stretch on as people waited to see if the gold medal favorite was able to walk off the ice.

Another medic joined them with a cloth, and it was only when they pressed it to his face and Ben’s hand fell away that she realized just how much he was bleeding. It took all three of the medics to help him get to his feet, and the skates only made matters worse. Getting him off the ice was slow and unsteady, but the moment they made it, Ben was put onto the awaiting gurney and taken away for treatment, his coach by his side, and everybody could only sit and wait silently for what the hell was supposed to happen next.

“I need to go to him.”

“Rey—”

She stood straight up. “No, Rose. I need to go to him. I need to make sure he’s okay.”

Finn took Rey’s hand and held it tight. “Just think for a moment, okay? They’re not gonna let you back there while he’s so out of it. You guys aren’t public, you’re not in a relationship, and even if you were I don’t think they’d let you in.”

“Finn, I—” She shook her head and tried to blink back the tears enveloping in her eyes as she realized he was right. “Fucking hell, I don’t know what to do.” She sat back down on the bench and pulled her knees up to her chest as Kaydel wrapped an arm around her. “What am I supposed to do?”

Rose reached over to squeeze her hand. “Give it a little time, honey. We’ll know what’ll happen before anyone else does. He’ll be okay.”

Rey could only nod as the zamboni came out to clean up the blood for the first skater’s performance.

*

All the skaters did the same routine. At least, that was what it looked like to her. There were quads and spins, covering all the bases nobody really cared about. The skaters looked the same, the programs looked the same, and nothing really mattered anymore.

Poe Dameron was in first place after a mediocre performance, looking like he was going to break down in the Kiss and Cry, and then Hux performed a clean program with no lasting effects from his injury visible. That was it then. Hux won the gold.

People were already getting restless, standing up to get in line for the bathrooms before the Victory Ceremony commenced, but then an announcement rang out: “Representing the United States of America, our final skater, Ben Solo.”

Rey nearly dropped her coffee.

“Wait, that’s gotta be a mistake, right?” Kaydel shook her head. “We saw how he looked during the warm-up. There is absolutely no way that man is able to skate. Is there?”

It shouldn’t have happened, but then there he was, limping out onto the ice with a long stretch of bandage covering the sliced part of his face. It needed stitches, no doubt, and she would’ve been surprised if he got out of that accident without a concussion with how hard he hit the ice. The doctors couldn’t have let him do this. Ben Solo was a tough guy, but he wasn’t  _ this tough. _

But maybe he was this stupid.

He stood in his starting position until the music began, and then he was off. To his credit, Rey wasn’t sure she could’ve done even the beginning of the program in his condition, which he completed surprisingly well, but by the first quad, he took what would’ve been the first of many falls.

She could practically feel the frustration and the pain he was feeling when nothing seemed to go to plan. Out of four planned quads, he landed only one of them with negative GOE deduction. Every spin was fallen out of, and some of the simplest choreography he was nailing earlier in the season was just nonexistent. Everybody knew his fate, and they could only watch in horror as it unfolded right in front of them.

Ben limped off the ice and walked straight past his coach, not even bothering for his skate guards as he found his place in the Kiss and Cry. For an entirely too long amount of time, the cameras were focused only on him, and it was only when the scores were released that one could see the devastation in his eyes.

With a record-breaking short program and what was the most disastrous freeskate of his career, Ben Solo took fifth at his last Olympics.

*

Rey was there when he was leaving the Kiss and Cry, tucked away in the hall where no cameras would find them. He walked straight passed her at first, but when she stepped out of her hiding place, he whirled around. “Ben—”

“What are you doing here?”

She stepped forward and pressed her hands against his chest. “I’m sorry. I was just waiting to see you. I saw what happened in the warm-up, and I wanted to come while you were with the medics, but I figured that wasn’t a good idea, so I’m here now and…” Rey sighed. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

He stepped away, jerking out of her grasp. “I’m sure you are.”

_ Wait.  _ “What’s wrong?”

Ben let out a laugh, one that struck fear into her chest. “What’s wrong? Gee, I don’t fucking know, Rey. Did I not just get into one of the worst accidents in skating history? Did I not just embarrass myself in front of the entire world? Did I not just lose the goddamn Olympics? Taking a fucking guess.”

Rey stepped back, shoving her hands to her sides. This wasn’t Ben. This wasn’t her Ben. Ben didn’t yell at her and swear at her and make her feel like shit. Not him, not here, not now. “L-Listen,” she stuttered, “I know you’re upset, but—”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what you did to me. Don’t act like you didn’t plan this entire thing.”

_ What the hell is going on?  _ “Ben, I don’t know what you heard, but I… you know I would never…”

The left side of his mouth turned upward. “I thought you wouldn’t either. I thought maybe you were different.” He whirled around, and she was now met with the expanse of his costume-clad back. “I was wrong.”

“Ben,” she managed to choke out, tears betraying her as they fell freely from her eyes, but then a figure came up next to him, causing her to fall silent.

“Are you ready to go?” Snoke didn’t look back at her, didn’t acknowledge that Rey was even there. Ben nodded. “Come now.”

A million thoughts ran through her mind at once as she stood looking after them, but she could settle on only one. It was clear now. Ben and Rey were done, and she was a fool for ever thinking it would’ve lasted.

*

Finn and Rose came in 3rd place overall, and they were absolutely ecstatic.

It was always said the bronze medal winners were the happiest out of all the medalists, and Rey was inclined to agree. The fight to get on the podium was tough, but the fight to stay on the podium? That was a position she dreaded to find herself in, and making it at all was something to be proud about.

In celebration of their victory, Finn and Rose invited their closest companions out for a drink, happening to include Poe Dameron in the invite.

Poe Dameron was one of figure skating’s most media-prominent skater, a social media darling that even many non-skating fans would know due to his bright personality and dazzling smile. Rey had never met the guy herself, but from this first impression, he definitely did not seem like his social persona. 

Poe had been nursing the same beer all night, never seeming to be able to take more than a gulp at a time. Rey imagined he should’ve been happy as the silver medalist considering he never even had a chance for gold, but he just sat silently with his beer as Finn and Rose left to catch up quickly with someone a few tables down.

Rey had absolutely no plans to speak to him, even though the silence was stretching on awkwardly, but then Poe sighed into his glass. “I need something stronger than this shit.”

“I’ll say.” She snorted. “You’ve been sitting here for an hour looking like your freaking cat died.”

He shoved his beer away with a huff. “You don’t understand.”

She found that  _ really _ hard to believe. “I don’t?”

“No, you don’t.” He looked up then, meeting her eyes for the first time that night. “I fucking split open Ben Solo’s face. I’m the reason he completely bombed his freeskate. Yeah, I don’t like the guy, but we all knew he was going to win gold, and now I’m the reason he isn’t.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Poe.”

“It wasn’t?” He leaned forward, lowering his voice just a bit. “You weren’t there when I sat next to him and watched as he sobbed against the ice. You weren’t there when I wiped his blood off my blades. Don’t tell me what fucking happened, okay?”

Rey fell silent then. She could’ve argued with him, showed him the replay of the events and proved that Hux was the one who knocked him down and Poe had no realistic space to stop. It was an accident, at least on his part. Hux’s… she wasn’t so sure.

It all could’ve just been a mistake, a freak accident that went down in figure skating history, but Rey had seen Hux on the replays when he knocked into Ben. The guy was an asshole, but he knew how to skate and spot himself, so there was way that he wasn’t able to stop in the seconds before he knocked into Ben. Poe couldn’t have been in on it, especially after the conversation they just had, but this deserved an investigation à la Tonya Harding. 

And it was so funny, she realized, how she was still thinking about him as if he was still in her life, still gave a damn about her. 

*

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Rey breathed to herself, hands shaking as she tied her laces, except this time there was no Ben to help her. _Just breathe._ _It’ll be okay._ But the laces were tangled, her insoles were displaced, and nothing seemed to be going the way it was supposed to be.

Last night had been the short. She’d fallen on her double axel and flutzed, but, otherwise, the program had gone decently all circumstances considered, and she ended up in fourth place. Now, though, the pressure was eating away at every part of Rey’s consciousness, begging her to just quit because nobody ever really cared about her anyway.

She was  _ useless, _ just sent by her country as another martyr to try and prove that they were best in the world at something as stupid as figure skating of all things.  _ Stupid figure skating. Stupid Olympics. Stupid Ben Solo and his beautiful— _

“Why so somber?”

Rey’s head shot up. She knew that voice.

“You’ve always been such a serious competitor. So stoic, even when you were a child.”

Rey jumped up to her feet, stumbling over herself with untied skates as she made her way over to her coach of ten years. “Maz!” She fell to her knees, pressing her head against the woman’s torso as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. “Maz, how?”

She  _ tsk _ ed and tapped Rey’s boot with her cane. “How I got here is none of your concern, dear. For now, let’s focus on getting you in tip top shape, hm?”

She sat down on the bench as Maz lifted up her skate to tie it. “Maz, I feel so fucking stupid.” The woman rose an eyebrow, her able hands twisting and pulling at the laces exactly where they needed to be. “I let myself become distracted. I led myself to this, and now as the most important moment of my life arrives, I’m an absolute mess. I can’t go out and skate like this.”

Maz finished up her skate and moved onto the other. “Damn right, you can’t. Before you do, you’ve gotta take a cold, hard look at yourself.” Rey frowned. “Whatever mistakes you made here, Rey, whatever choices you regret, they don’t define you or your skating in the end. It’s your choice whether you want to stay here and grumble about excuses or stand up and say ‘Fuck the Olympics.’”

She paused for a second. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Her coach finished her lace off with one final knot and dropped it down onto the floor. “No, it’s not. ‘Fuck the Olympics’ because your result here doesn’t define you as a person or as a skater, and by accepting that fact, you can skate however you want without caring that’s it’s the Olympics. It’s just another contest.”

“Just another contest,” Rey repeated, and Maz smiled. She stood up as the other skater’s music came to an end and looked down at the green skirt of her dress. 

_ Fuck the Olympics, huh?  _ She could do that.

*

Rey won the freeskate by a landslide. The moment the music started, all her worries and anxiety just flooded out of her body, and she just… skated. Nobody was expecting that kind of performance, especially after the mediocre short program she’d delivered yesterday, but as the gold medal was put around her neck, Rey couldn’t help but feel proud.

_ That’ll show him, _ said a nasty part of her mind. She shook it away. Ben didn’t matter anymore, just like she didn’t matter to him. 

“You ready to go, Rey?” Maz asked as she surveyed her bags. “We must be leaving for our flight soon.”

There was some kind of apprehension in her chest, telling her that she should’ve missed Pyeongchang and the snowy, bitter abyss it presented, but the only thing it brought forth was the grip of the memory that she so desperately wanted release from.

She nodded, zipping up her carry-on and flinging it over her shoulder. “I am  _ so _ ready to leave this place.”

*

Training was no different than it usually was. She woke up. She jogged to the rink. She trained. She went home.

Rinse and repeat.

Except it  _ was _ different.

Rey trained with a new ferocity, with a fire in her eyes that wasn’t there before. Some may have called it good. Maz didn’t.

“You’ve got to slow down!” Maz had yelled at her from across the rink when Rey had taken a nasty fall from a botched attempt at a triple toe. “You must find control! Where has it gone?”

Who needed control? This worked for her in the Olympics. It would work again. It had to.

Days later, she went into a jump with a little too much intensity and got her toe pick stuck into where it was planted in the ice, leading to a massive twist and fall. For a few moments, she just laid there, staring up at the industrial ceiling of the rink and listened to the patter of rain drizzling against the roof, ignoring the throb in her right ankle.

Rey left the rink that day with a wrapped ankle and a warning—

_ “Finding ways to hurt yourself isn’t the answer. Fix it or your skating days are over.” _

*

Rey spent the first of four days in bed, the covers pulled up to her nose, and she half-watched old VHS tapes she was surprised she even had anymore.

*

The second was spent on the Tube, just riding car after car until it was long past dark and the terminals filled with drunk girls and the predators that followed them. She went home, drank some cheap alcohol from the back of her spice cabinet and watched the 2014 Olympics short program.  _ Just for fun, _ she told herself, skipping Ben’s with no particular consideration.

Later that night, tired and tipsy, Rey watched the freeskate and ran into the bathroom when Ben came on, clutching the wall as she sobbed into the sink.

*

On the third day, Rey called Armitage Hux.

Poe had his number and sent it to her without any questions, and for that she was thankful. In all honesty, Rey hadn’t even expected him to answer, let alone concede to coming to her shitty apartment, but he was in the area, and she was lonely, and that was enough.

It wasn’t a good idea. Maz would’ve killed her for it, but Rey tried to erase the concept of consequences from her mind just this once.

_ This is for me, _ she told herself when he entered her apartment and made himself at home on her couch. She hadn’t cleaned much in the last few days, but Hux hadn’t seemed to care.

Rey wasn’t sure what she expected from this night. She didn’t like Hux, not in any emotional way. They weren’t going to order pizza and cuddle while watching corny movies together or play COD on her PlayStation. They weren’t anything, except she invited him here for some reason and—

He kissed her, and she wasn’t sure if she liked it.

It was different from her time with Ben, Hux’s lips rough and his hands needy, and his body was pressed up against her before she could even really think about it. Was this okay? Did she want him like this?

Ben had been the only man she was ever with, and there was still some sick concept in her mind that she was his, that she could only ever be with him, and that just wasn’t right. It didn’t matter that Hux wasn’t the ideal person for this. All that mattered was that Rey  _ deserved  _ this. She deserved something for her.

She led him to her bedroom and held her breath as he lifted her shirt over her head and deposited it unceremoniously onto the ground. Hux wasn’t gentle in anything he did, that much was obvious, and Rey doubted sex was any different.

_ This is for me, _ she said to herself as she helped strip him of his clothes and plastered a smile on her lips as he unhooked her bra. He reached down and unbuttoned her jeans and slipped them down along with her underwear before leading her to the bed. At first, she expected him to push her down and climb on top of her, but then Hux sat down on the edge of the bed with spread legs and looked at her expectantly.

_ This is for me,  _ she said to herself as she sank to her knees and took his cock into her mouth.

His grip on her head was bruising, and Rey struggled not to choke, but then he stopped her before he came and pulled himself out of her mouth.

He wouldn’t eat her out—“That’s gross,” he’d snapped when she’d mentioned it—so she allowed him to position her on the bed whichever way he liked because it never really mattered to her anyway.

_ This is for me, _ she said to herself as he settled between her legs. 

_ This is for me,  _ she said to herself as she started to cry.

He stopped.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Rey shook her head and shoved him off her, the satisfied pang in her chest when he hit the ground better than any orgasm he could’ve ever given her. “You’re a slimy piece of shit. I can’t believe I was ever going to do this with you.”

Hux was already shoving his underwear on, as if he wasn’t surprised by her decision. “Contrary to who? Ben Solo?”

Ben. Her beautiful pseudo-ex that had shattered her heart to pieces, but at least he cared, just a little bit. He cared enough to make her feel like she was worth something when they were having sex, not like some plaything. He wasn’t perfect or her favorite person by any means, but he wasn’t Hux, and that was  _ something. _

“Don’t you dare talk about him.”

Hux laughed as he shoved his pants on. “Oh, really? Talk about how you fucked him the entire Olympics? Or talk about how I crashed into him and ruined his chances of gold?”

Rey paused, meeting his eyes. “Did you do it on purpose?”

“I can’t seem to remember. You see, I truly do have such a bad memory as to where my opponents are.” A laugh. “Poe Dameron, though. Now that was the cherry on top. Not only do I get to live with the fact that I have a medal and Solo doesn’t, but Dameron also fucked up his face so badly that every time Solo looks in the mirror. He’ll be reminded of what he doesn’t have.” He stalked closer and took hold of her jaw. “Including you.”

She jerked away, ignoring the ghost of his fingers still pressing against her face. “You’re disgusting.”

Hux finished putting on his shirt and glanced over her naked body. “Maybe, but just remember: You were the one sucking my cock, slut.”

And then he was gone, slamming her front door behind him.

The foul taste in her mouth stayed long after Hux left, no matter how many time she’d washed it out, and Rey spent the rest of the night holding herself and praying that somebody, anybody, would just fix this.

*

On the fourth and final day, she cried.

She cried first in the morning, after opening her eyes from an unsatisfactory two hours of sleep. 

Then it was the afternoon, and Rey sat there on her bed with rumpled sheets and closed curtains, and she realized that she couldn’t live like this anymore.

So she cleaned.

It was more therapeutic than for the state over her home, but as Rey sprayed whatever bleach cleaner she had under her sink on the counters of her kitchen, she finally was able to come to terms with… whatever this was.

_ A defense mechanism, _ her therapist from years ago had said after another one of these episodes.  _ A way to cope with feelings of abandonment. It’s not uncommon. _

Running into the arms of strangers to find the validation she craved. It made her wonder… did she even love Ben? Did any of this really matter? Was she just being fucking stupid and imagining things that were never there?

Rey wasn’t sure if she even knew what love was, honestly, but there was some sick part of her still convinced that Ben was it, despite everything he’d done. She was just blind, she convinced herself. She lost her virginity to him. That guaranteed some bias, didn’t it? 

She wouldn’t go back to him, Rey decided as she stuffed the last used paper plate into the trash, as if there was a choice in the matter.

*

World Championships

“Are you going to be okay without me?” Maz asked, opening the trunk of her car and setting Rey’s bag on the airport curbside. 

This was 13-hour flight, and the dread already found a pit in her stomach. It was always easiest when competitions were in Europe, but, of course, her first Senior season happened to have the World Championships set in Japan. More time to think, more time to worry.

Rey nodded as she slid her carry-on over her shoulder. “I wish you were coming. I could really use you with me.”

Maz smiled and patted her hip lovingly. “I wish I could too, but I have faith in you, Rey. You’ve done so well this season, and even if you completely bomb this competition, there’s always next year.”

_ Next year. _ The fact that this was only her first season with all that had happened was terrifying enough in itself. Was it always going to be like this?

“Maz, I’ve been wondering for a long time, and you never told me…” Rey met the woman’s eyes, magnified with too-big glasses and glistening curiosity. “How did you come to the Olympics? Was it like a federation deal or something?”

Her coach was silent for a few heartbeats too long before sighing. “He told me not to tell you.”

“Who did?”

“Ben Solo.” 

Rey froze, taking a second to process the name. No, that wasn’t right. Was it? “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“I received a call a week before your event, asking if I’d be willing to go last minute. Of course, I told him every flight was booked by now, but he said he’d handle it. I didn’t know that ‘handle it’ was code for ‘private jet,’ yet it was.”

Before their fight, before everything that happened, Ben brought her coach to the Olympics, the single most important event of her skating career. He hadn’t been looking for recognition or a thank you, and he hadn’t sent her back after their fight out of spite. Maybe she should’ve been happy or glad that he cared even a little bit, but she wasn’t.

When Rey didn’t reply, Maz smiled and squeezed her hand gently. “You’re going to be late for your flight, dear. It’s time to go.”

“It’s time to go,” she repeated, trying not to focus on the sinking feeling in her chest.

*

Getting onto a 13-hour flight with too many things to think about was never a good idea. 

Sleeping was useless, even in First Class, her thoughts the ones she’d been wanting to avoid for the past month. It only made sense that they were all flooding back the moment she was arriving for yet another major competition, another obstacle getting in her way.

Rey almost cried when the plane finally landed.

The hotel was as nice as expected, and she spent the rest of the evening in the bath with bubbles up to her nose, despite Finn and Rose’s pestering that they needed to go out. They knew about Ben, and Rey also knew they were doing their damndest to get her to function normally again, but the things they called fun—the restaurants and the karaoke bars and the drinking—wasn’t her thing, never really had been. So Rey stayed, alone with people all around, just praying that this competition would just be over soon.

It wasn’t until her forced attendance at the opening ceremony that Finn and Rose managed to coax her out of her hotel room.

As the Olympic gold medalist in the Ladies’ field, Rey was a hot topic in general, so staying lowkey wasn’t easy, but she somehow made it through the ceremony without an interview and, most importantly, without seeing  _ him. _ It was almost funny. This was supposed to be the time of her life, but it was dragged down by the fact that a stupid man didn’t give her his validation anymore. Pathetic.

Her happiness would be incomparable when this season finally fucking ended.

*

The night before the beginning of the programs, Rey couldn’t sleep. It was well past one in the morning, and she needed to be getting her rest since the short program was in just a few days, but her mind could not just settle down, and Rey was left lying in her bed aimlessly with no means of sleep in sight.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to leave, but it wasn’t like she had anything to lose either.

Japan was cooler than comfortable in March, but Rey didn’t bring a jacket with her outside, preferring the startling bite of the cold to whisk her back to reality versus anything else. Few were out at this time of night, and for the most part, she was left with only her thoughts to keep her company.

A part of her wished he was there, standing at the end of the path parallel to the pond residing beside her, but that was the kind of thing that happened in fairytales, and if this season proved anything, figure skating was definitely no fairytale.

*

Finn, Rose, and Kaydel didn’t bother trying to drag Rey out for the Men’s short program, but she showed up all the same.  _ To support Poe, _ some part of herself said, but she barely knew the guy except for being the person who sliced Solo’s face open at the Olympics, and she had a feeling it was always going to be that way.

She didn’t stay long, though, not long enough to see  _ him. _ Maybe it was by mistake, maybe it wasn’t, but she left to go get ready for her own program taking place later that night and didn’t look back.

Back at the hotel, Rey slept first and then choked down a lunch before gathering her things to head over to the rink. This was it. It wasn’t the Olympics, but the World Championships was where everyone was expecting her to crack, and she was convinced that was not going to happen.

That was, until they passed each other in the hallway.

There was a split-second where their eyes met, and all the memories of everything that happened came flooding back, but Ben ripped his eyes away and brushed past her in an instant, as if her touch was poison.

As much as Rey wished she was able to just keep going and ignore the encounter, the sweet sting of tears pricked her eyes, and she continued back to the rink feeling empty once again.

*

Her off-ice went great, her warm-up went great, her pre-skate rituals went great, but Rey couldn’t shake the feeling of everything being off as she took the ice for her short program. The ice was different and so were the lights, and her heart was beating in her chest faster than what was healthy, and as the music started, it didn’t go away.

The program wasn’t clean, but she hadn’t expected it to be. There was just a step-out on her double axel and a down-graded spin, and it was more than she was expecting, but it still wasn’t good enough. Rey had lost her focus and she needed it back or else she was going to crack like everybody expected her to, and that was not going to happen.

Ben Solo had ruined everything again, and Rey had done the one thing she vowed not to do:

She let him.

*

That evening she spent wandering the hotel, exhausted and aching from the program just hours before, but the long expanse of the halls was better than the crowded mess of her mind. This was easy. This was okay.

People passed sometimes, rarely paying her a second glance, and Rey just kept walking.

When she passed him, she expected him to do the same.

“Hey.”

She didn’t stop. He didn’t either.

“Hey,” he said again, and she flinched. “Rey.”

She stopped in front of the elevator and pressed the button a number of times before giving up. “Go away.”

“I want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t.”

He began to say something, but then the elevator door opened, and Rey stepped in, thankful for a means of escape. She shouldn’t have been surprised when he stepped in with her. They stood for a few moments in a silent standoff, and Rey considered just pushing him out the still-open door, but as it slid closed, that idea was immediately shot out the window.

Ben took a single step back and pressed against the wall parallel to her. “Listen, I know our last conversation didn’t go super well, alright? I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I just… I don’t know. I want to talk to you because I don’t think we left on the best of terms.”

“The best of terms?” Rey let out a wry laugh and turned to face him, face the man who broke her heart and self-worth all at the same time. “You left me, Ben. You yelled at me to my face, called me a liar, and left with your goddamn coach at the fucking Olympics days before the biggest performance of my life. Oh, yeah, thanks for flying my coach in, by the way. What a real nice pity gesture.”

Ben fell silent then. She wasn’t sure if he looked better or worse than when she’d last seen him. His face had almost completely healed at this point, cut fading into just a line extending from his jaw to his right eyebrow, a remarkable transformation considering how bad it had been just a month ago. On the other hand, though, he looked more tired than he ever had before, and that was saying something.

_ Snoke did this to him, _ some part of her mind said, but she shook it away. Snoke, as slimy and disgusting as he was, wasn’t everything, and Ben was an adult and had to start acting like one.

He looked as if he was going to reply for a moment but then glanced up at the security camera secured to the ceiling. “Listen, I know you’re mad, but can we please talk somewhere more… private?”

Rey didn’t even take a moment to consider it a possibility. “Why should I?”

His eyes softened as he gingerly reached out a hand in some kind of offering. “Please, Rey.”

There were several moments of hesitation as every warning bell in her head went off, but Rey’s hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it pressed into the warm skin of his palm.

_ Just this once and never again, _ she told herself.

*

Her hotel room had a small lounge, and that was where Rey found herself bringing Ben, more comfortable in a place she was familiar with than anything else. She didn’t offer him a drink as he sat down across from her, and she tried not to think about how utterly stupid this decision was. There was time for that later.

“You wanted to talk,” Rey said after several moments of silence. “Talk.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out immediately. “I’m sorry about everything that happened at the Olympics. So many things happened before I talked to you, and I was just under so much emotional stress that I… just snapped. I’m so sorry.”

There was a part of her that wished she was able to just take him into her arms now, tell him it was okay and to come back to her and everything would be put back together again, but that was dismissing all the things he’d said, all the things that didn’t make any sense unless he really believed them. “There’s a difference between emotional stress and cruelty, Ben.”

“Rey—”

“Don’t fucking interrupt me,” she said, calm as ever, and he shut his mouth. “There’s a difference between emotional stress and cruelty. I was raised in the foster system. I’m not sure if you knew that. I was abused at nearly every foster home I went to by the parents or the siblings, and I rarely ever got a break. I cry when people yell or get too close or touch me in certain ways, and that’s emotional stress. We’re all under emotional stress when we skate and at risk of breaking down at any given time, but I have never looked at someone I loved and thought ‘Hey, I feel shitty. It’s time to tear down their self-esteem and happiness so they can be just like me!’”

Ben didn’t respond. 

“What you did wasn’t okay, and it’s going to take more than a half-assed apology for me to even think about forgiving the things you said to me.”

As if he’d always known the outcome of this conversation, Ben simply nodded his head and looked back down at his feet. “Rey, I love—”

“Don’t even fucking attempt to say that to me right now.”

She didn’t even let herself consider the end of that sentence. It wasn’t worth the struggle, the heartbreak of her barely-mended heart. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and she wasn’t entirely sure which for. “I’m going to make this up somehow. You’re… everything to me.”

Rey wanted to laugh. She knew this from the very beginning yet had ignored it from the start. Ben Solo was a selfish man, and he did what he had to do to get to where he wanted to be. There was no way in hell he was going to sacrifice anything for her, the girl he left behind.

*

Rey practiced her freeskate the next morning in mismatched skating gear and unbrushed hair, but her run-through was the best attempt of any of the practices recently, so consequences and cameras be damned. She’d already won a gold medal at the Olympics. Wasn’t that enough?

It never was. One medal meant nothing in the long run. The biggest challenge at the Olympics was getting through the stress and the pressure of every single eye on you as you performed two routines that a single panel of judges assigned a set of numerical scores to. 

Except that was the funny thing about skating.

One was able to put a value on any jump or spin combination you wanted, but everything else was a matter of interpretation, and interpretation was so different among people and cultures and society that there was really no point. Nobody were winners yet everyone was at the same time.

Eventually, there was going to be time to reflect on that fact, but for now she tried her damned hardest to get this freeskate to the point where there was no way in hell anyone was ever going to try and say she was a bright-eyed Junior again. Ben Solo included.

There was no movement on the ice as she ended her practice, all the ladies in her group seeming to watch as she retreated from the rink, slipping on her guards before stepping onto the mats.

“That was an impressive performance.”

Rey snapped her head toward the voice, clutching her water bottle tight in her hand. An older woman stood just behind her in a coat, wearing regular shoes and ID badge around her neck. “Excuse me?” She didn’t stop making her way toward the benches next to her bag to change into her trainers. 

“Your practice skate. It was quite impressive. Your lutz is lovely.”

“Can I help you?

She expected the woman to have been put off by her attitude—Rey honestly was herself—but she merely smiled. “I apologize. That was quite uncalled for, wasn’t it? I’m Leia Organa.” 

_ Wait.  _ Rey spun around and immediately felt her heart race. “You’re Leia Organa?” A nod. “Wait, you won the Olympics like four times. You’re the most decorated Ladies’ figure skater ever.”

“I won three Olympics, actually, but I’m not here to talk about me. I was more interested in your skating, Rey.”

Rey shook her head, looking down at her still-tied skates, then back up to Leia. In skates, she towered over the woman but still felt small under her gaze. “Why would you be interested in me?”  _ You just won the goddamn Olympics, Rey. What kind of question is that? _

Leia didn’t comment on her stupidity if she noticed it. “Would you be interested in going out for some coffee?”

*

“This may be out of place, but let me just say how lucky England is to have you on their team. They’ve been struggling for female skaters—or any skaters, really—for a number of years, and aside from you and Armitage Hux, there’s been really no alternative. I can imagine skating is already becoming even more popular back in your homeland. You’re leading a generation now.”

Rey frowned down at her cup of coffee, still too hot to drink even in the chill of Japan’s outdoors. They were walking along the path Rey had just walked down days ago, and that felt like just a distant memory at this point. “I didn’t know that.” She wasn’t equipped to lead a generation of skaters to follow in her footsteps, not when she, herself, barely knew what was going on in her life at any given time.

Leia hummed and took another sip out of her own cup. “It’s daunting, I know, but from what I’ve seen from you on the news and in interviews, I’m sure you’re going to be absolutely incredible.”

Rey wasn’t one who liked to share. She liked to bottle up emotions and channel them into more productive things. Sharing required trust, and trust was not something she often afforded somebody, but there was just something about this woman that made her feel safe, like she understood everything she was going through even when there was no possible way to. “How’d you do it?”

“Do what?”

Rey stopped in her tracks and tightened her grip on her cup. “This. How’d you deal with the cameras and the pressure and the people hoping you’d fail? It can feel myself cracking, and I want it to stop.”

Leia pursed her lips before setting a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “It will never stop. I wish I could tell you it will, but I learned it, Ben learned it, and every skater who’s ever been in your shoes has done and will do the same. It’s—”

“Wait.” Rey shook her head, praying she misheard that name. “I’m sorry, Ben?”

“Ah, yes. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you knew. Not everyone is his super mega fan like he likes to think they are. Ben Solo’s my son.”

She blinked once. “He’s your son? But…” Leia Organa. Ben Solo. Of course. They were legends. She should’ve known this. Everyone knew this, didn’t they? How had she not realized sooner? “God, I’m sorry. I—”

Leia waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Happens all the time. I kept my last name when I married for convenience, and Ben got his last name. Well, legally it’s Organa-Solo, but he doesn’t like to be associated with my career, so he shortened it to Solo professionally.” She shook her head. “That boy’s something.”

Rey took a sip of her too-hot coffee and sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“Have you met him?”

She laughed, taking another sip of the coffee and wishing it was something stronger. “Unfortunately, yes. No offense. I’m sure you did a fine job raising him and everything. We’ve just had a few predicaments lately. It’s fine.” 

“Predicaments? Now that  _ definitely  _ sounds like my son. What’s the kid done now?”

This was stupid, confiding in her pseudo-ex’s mother about him, but somehow Rey felt Leia was able to understand the situation better than anyone, having raised Ben into the man he was. So she did it. She didn’t reveal every scandalous detail about their sex lives together, letting the woman read between the lines on that part, but Rey revealed everything else in a manner she never had before, and she was left feeling only relief when her story concluded.

As she finished relaying the events that went on over the past season, Leia merely sighed. “I know how you feel. That coach has been no good from the start, but Ben’s never been one to listen to me or… anyone, really. He’s reckless, does what he wants no matter what. He used to be under his uncle’s instruction, but as his career advanced, and he grew older, Ben accepted an offer without giving his uncle any notice and began training with Snoke. I wish I could say the plan didn’t work, but it seems Ben’s accomplished most everything he wanted to. At what cost, though, is the question.”

“I want him back,” Rey finally admitted, to Leia and to herself. “I just want him to be okay and to come back to me, but I can’t sacrifice my integrity and my health for it. I trusted him, and he broke so much of me, as disgustingly cheesy as it sounds.”

Leia smiled and patted Rey’s hip. “You’re not wrong in that assessment. Ben needs to help himself before he considers going back to you, and you shouldn’t let him back in your life. Boys aren’t everything. You’ve got a career just starting out. And, in my opinion, a damn good one.”

Rey smiled as she clutched the woman’s hand, and, finally, she felt like maybe things were going to be okay.

*

There was a part of her that wanted to stay in bed during the Men’s free and watch a Netflix show she’d seen beginning-to-end five times, but an even larger part wanted to witness this. Since Ben’s disastrous performance in the Olympics, he’d been the talk of the skating community, and now everybody wanted to know if he was going to crack again. 

Rey wasn’t sure what she was expecting or hoping for, but being pulled into a hall as she made her way from backstage to the area was definitely not one of them. “What the fu—”

“Sh,” he silenced her, looking around at the bustling crew who passed them. None of them seemed to be paying any attention, but sometimes things got leaked, and people seeing them together was the absolute last thing she needed from this moment. “I just want to talk really quick.”

“Get the fuck off me, Solo,” she said, yanking out of his grip. “What the hell?”

“I need you to do something for me, okay?”

Rey scoffed. “Why should I do anything for you? Leave me alone.”

Ben fell silent and sighed, pressing his palm against the wall next to her. “I’m not going to demand you to do anything. Whether or not you will is up to you, but, Rey, please. Just hear me out.”

“We don’t have time for this.” She opened mouth to say something before huffing as somebody cut between them. “Is there somewhere else we can go?”

He looked around at their surroundings before entwining their hands together and pulling her around the corner to a storage closet, shutting the door behind them. Rey spent a moment fiddling with the flashlight on her phone before setting it down on the floor, giving them just a bit of light to spare. His hair fell over his forehead, over the scar that stood out so distinctly against his skin, and she suddenly found herself aware that this was the first time she’d ever really let herself look at it. “You’re going to be on soon,” she said, mostly to distract herself from her own emotions.

“I don’t care about the time. I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about time and how much of it is left, and I’m done, okay?” He shook his head. “Rey, I know I fucked up. I fucked up so badly, and I’m sorry. I know you said you don’t want to hear that anymore, but I truly am. If you don’t want me back, then I’ll live with it, I’ll move on, but I need you to let me skate for you one last time before you make that decision.”

Ben had done things to her. He’d broken her heart, torn it to pieces, left her to rot with his name in mind. But he’d also shown her something else too: What it felt like to be wanted. Their time together was short, but he’d already done the one thing everyone else failed to do, and maybe that alone was worth  _ something. _

So Rey clutched his face and nodded and prayed to whatever god was listening that they made it through this.

*

When he took the ice, Rey held her breath, knowing in the back of her mind that this was likely his last competition at the Senior level. Six-time U.S. Nationals winner, three-time Grand Prix winner, four-time 4CC winner, three-time Olympian, and, depending on this performance, either a three- or four-time World Champion. He really was a legend in all accounts, just like his mother had been too.

An end of an era at last. 

Maybe the audience mourned the loss, but as the music started, it didn’t feel like a retirement program.

There was always something about Ben’s programs that felt so… violent, as if he and the music were at odds and the audience was watching the final showdown between the two, but now it seemed as if Ben was just skating with the music, two halves of a whole. Not gentle, not easy, something unrefined and raw, but it was there, and it was beautiful.

_ I need you to let me skate for you one last time before you make that decision. _

This was what he wanted her to see. This was his apology.

A flawless program, skated to perfection, yet she wouldn’t have cared if he’d flubbed every single element. Right now he was just a boy, skating in front of a girl, asking her to love him, and that’s all Rey could have ever asked for.

*

“Another world record,” she said as they swung their entwined hands. “Who’s going to ever stop you?”

Ben hummed and adjusted the bag on his shoulder full of his skating gear. “Probably a fifteen-year-old here in the next year or so. Those records will be absolute toast.”

He was probably right, but she didn’t say so, staying silent as they stopped in front of his hotel door. This should’ve felt familiar after the amount of times they’d done this exact thing during the Olympics, but Rey still felt herself blushing when he pulled her into the room with him, dropping his bag on the floor of the lounge. 

“I’m gonna shower,” he said, brushing his hands against her hips. It might’ve been an invitation—she wasn’t entirely sure—but Rey nodded, opting to put herself back together while she had the time to spare.

The last time this happened, it had led up to a month of pain, and that same anxiety settled in her stomach. Things had happened, things Rey immensely regretted and others she did not. Amongst the ones, she did: Hux. Maybe it was best left untouched, a secret for only Hux and Rey to know, but she didn’t trust him one bit to keep it. It was better for Ben to find out now under her terms versus later in the web of lies Hux was bound to twist. Coming clean was her only option, yet it was the hardest one to do.

Ben didn’t spend long in the shower, coming out with damp hair and wearing only pajama pants, and he flopped onto the bed next to her. “Hey.”

She forced a smile. “Hey.”

“Everything okay?” He sat up, sitting with his legs crossed under him as she turned to face him. 

“Yeah. I just… I think we need to talk.”

Ben visibly stiffened before taking her hands into his. “Rey, I fired Snoke. He’s gone. You don’t have to worry about him anymore. It’s—”

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

He blinked once. “Oh.”

Rey looked down at her hands clasped together in her lap and sighed. This was going to be a disaster, an absolute fucking disaster. “Ben, I… almost slept with Hux.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head. “You… what?” 

“I almost slept with Hux.” He opened his mouth to respond, but she help up a hand. “Please let me talk.” After a moment of silence, Rey met Ben’s eyes. They’d always been telling of his emotions, but they were unreadable now, hard and distant. “It happened a few weeks ago. I saw on his Instagram he was in London to visit, and I called him up because I was lonely, and we… almost had sex.”

“Define ‘almost.’”

“I gave him a blowjob, and we were about to do it, but I started freaking out because it just felt wrong, and… I don’t know. It was a mistake, and I’m sorry.”

Ben sat silently for a few moments as water dripped onto his shoulders from his hair. There were a lot of reactions she was expecting. Anger, mostly, for betraying him the way she had. But nothing seemed to come across. “He… didn’t hurt you, did he? He stopped when you asked him to?”

She could feel the tears pricking at her eyes already. “Y-Yeah.”

Ben leaned over and pressed a hand against her cheek. “Rey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Did you think I’d be mad at you?”

“I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore,” she choked out, tears beginning to stream down her face. “You hate Hux, and I almost slept with him. That isn’t okay, Ben. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I can’t say I’m a fan of the idea, but I’d never be mad at you for something like that. I was the stupid asshole who broke up with you in the first place. You did what you thought might make yourself feel better when I was off being selfish. Even if you had sex with him, that wouldn’t change anything. It’s not like we were dating at the time.”

She shook her head, not bothering to hold back the tears anymore. “He made me feel like shit, Ben. I sucked him off, and then I asked him to eat me out, and he wouldn’t. When he left, he called me a slut and… I just can’t believe I ever allowed him to touch me.”

It was at this point that the first glimpse of anger flashed through his eyes. “I’ll fucking murder that douchebag. I’ll do it, I will.”

“No,” she mumbled, leaning into his touch. “I don’t want to talk about him anymore. This night is supposed to be for us, isn’t it?”

Ben brushed away the tears on her cheeks. “You deserve the world, Rey. You deserve everything, and I want to be the one to give you it. If you’d let me.”

Her lips was quivering when she nodded. “You. Only ever you. Please.”

He pressed his lips against hers, and Rey was only able to think about just how much she missed this, his body pressed against hers, warm and inviting. This was the easy part, just being here with him and letting go of everything not inside this room. No skating, no responsibilities, no pressure. Just Ben and Rey together where they belonged.

Their clothes came off with no particular haste, allowing them to revel in the heat of this moment and all that it promised. 

_ This is for me,  _ she said to herself as he went down on her. His touch was gentle, his coaxing patient, and Rey chanted his name with her hands wound up into his hair as she came. In the few moments of contented bliss in the aftermath, he pressed his lips against her thigh, and she smiled.

_ This is for him,  _ she said to herself as her thumb ran over the head of his cock, the gasp he uttered music to her ears. He rested his head against the crook of her shoulder as she ran her hand over the length of his cock, but he stopped her before he came and pressed his lips against hers.

_ This is for us,  _ she said to herself as he slipped inside her, feeling more at home than she had in the last ten years, right here in his arms. 

When they finished, they lied together, basking in the afterglow with rumpled sheets and sheepish smiles. It was here that Rey decided she never wanted to leave his arms again.

Under him, she felt safe. With him, she felt unstoppable.

*

Finn and Rose didn’t even question the texts Rey had sent them the next morning, and Kaydel merely winked as Ben stuck with her the entirety of her off ice warm-up. Usually she spent this time by herself with only her thoughts and anxiety as company, but he sat there silently as reminder that she wasn’t alone in any of this.

Fear burrowed into her stomach as they walked out together as the skater before she made her way to the Kiss and Cry, but the grasp on her hand was gentle and just hard enough to keep her grounded at the same time for the time being. Her heart sped as they announced her name, and she looked to Ben in panic.

“Breathe,” he whispered. “Just breathe.”

Rey was able to feel the cameras on her, but they seemed to disappear as she reached up to kiss him. 

If people had their suspicions, they were all but confirmed now, but Rey found she didn’t care as much as she thought she would when she stepped onto the ice and made her way to the center.

The final competition of the season. Rey had made it this far, and there was no way in hell this was the last time they’d see her. The desire to win, to be the best in the world had gotten her this far. No more focusing, no more agonizing. It was time to let go.

*

He held her in the Kiss and Cry, probably expecting her to break down when the scores were revealed, but Rey was only smiles as she clutched him. 2nd place was where she placed, 3rd was where she stayed, but the scores didn’t matter anymore. Screw the medals, screw the sponsorships. 

They slept together again that night, an incomprehensible mess of sweat and limbs, and Rey woke up to sore muscles and the sun. Later, they watched the Pairs’ short program, ignored requests for interviews, then fell into bed again. Rinse and repeat.

The night of the exhibition gala, they held each other close as they did the days before, only this time every eye seemed to be cast upon them in curiosity or disdain, but Rey didn’t care, and Ben didn’t either, so he kissed her after her performance and again just before his.

When the victory ceremony concluded, they went out with Finn, Rose, and Kaydel for a time, left early, and found themselves walking back to the hotel in the dark, chilly March night. Rey was happier than she’d felt in years as she rested her head on Ben’s shoulder with their hands clasped together, but the reality of the situation had just begun to dawn on her: this was all going to end.

Rather than avoid it, she told him so.

“It doesn’t have to,” he replied, pressing his lips against her head. 

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t have to end. I could… come with you.”

It was a stupid suggestion, yet her heart fluttered at the idea. “Very funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

She stopped in her tracks, taking him along with her. “Ben, come on. You can’t be serious.”

He pressed his hands into her waist and shook his head. “That month I spent without you was one of the worst of my entire life, Rey. Every moment I spend with you has made me happier than I’ve been in the last ten years. Maybe it’s too soon, but I… think I’m in love with you.”

The wind blew her hair violently to the side as Rey stood in front of him, shivering from something that wasn’t the cold. There was no way. There was absolutely no way. “Do you really mean that?”

“With everything that I am.”

_ You’re ridiculous, _ she wanted to say.  _ We just got back together, and you’re already offering to come home with me?  _ Rey always liked to consider herself a reasonable person, but this wasn’t even close to it.

Yet, that other part of her was insistent:  _ You only have one life. Live it.  _ And it was undoubtedly right. Their entire relationship held the inevitability of disaster. What was adding one more thing into the mix. Despite all the voices in her head demanding otherwise, Rey nodded. “Okay.”

*

The night before they left, Ben woke Rey up.

“Get dressed, love. We’ve got somewhere to go.”

“Are you kidnapping me?” she’d mumbled out, shoving a pillow into his face. 

“No, something better.”

He didn’t give her any inclination as to what the  _ hell _ they were doing out in the middle of the night, but she followed blindly, her eyes still heavy from sleep, cursing under her breath as she went. It wasn’t until they were at the rink building that she groaned out loud. “Are you kidding me, Solo? Again? Really?”

“It’s romantic!”

“God, I can’t with you.”

Still, Rey followed him as he broke in—“It was a favor!” he’d insisted—and made a mental note to not bail him out of jail when this was all over. The arena was dead silent as they snuck in and made their way toward the rink in the dark, the only light protruding from the skylights on the ceiling. Ben set down her skates in front of her but didn’t give her a chance to put them on before taking it into his own hands.

“I’ve been doing this for a while, Ben. I know how to put on my own skates.”

He places her blade between his legs and snapped at the laces to tighten them. “Sh, let me have this one thing.”

“I’m giving you a lot of things,” she said but didn’t resist any further, allowing Ben to do as he pleased to her boots, then to his own. 

He led her onto the ice with both hands and entered the rink from behind. It was only one second and one step later that he realized he’d entered the ice with his guards on. “Goddamnit!” he shouted when he hit the ground, Rey falling right next to him, giggling.

“‘It’s romantic!’” she shot back at him, laying her head back down on the ice.

Ben huffed, making no motion to get back up for the time being. “Listen, okay”—Rey was still laughing her ass off—“Listen!” He groaned. “Fine, I get it. I’m a cheesy loser. You don’t love me anymore.”

Rey swatted at his head and propped herself up on her elbows to press a kiss against his cheek. “Shut up. Come on, are we gonna skate or lie down here forever? My ass is getting cold.” She got to her feet and brushed the snow off her pants, huffing.

“I can think of a way to get it warmed up.”

“You wish!” Within another second, Rey darted off, leaving Ben to scramble to get her.

There was something different about skating with another person. It was such an isolating sport most of the time, and there was no one to share the victory and the pain of heartbreak with, not really, but as Ben skated up behind her, Rey found herself feeling a little less alone.

His hands on her waist was a reassurance, a reminder that he was here and present and hers to hold, and she pressed her forehead against the crook of his neck in a desperate attempt to get closer. It was the same as last time they’d done this, the movements similar and just as easy, but that sense of foreboding, those futile attempts in her mind to turn what this was into inevitable heartbreak, was gone. 

Maybe it wasn’t going to last forever, or maybe it would, but Rey took a chance, and as she held Ben to her, inhaling the scent of his aftershave, she decided it was a good one.

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't read this in so long. Hope it was good! Let me know if you've got any questions.
> 
> Thank you so much to @riverspirit86 on Tumblr for beta-reading this for me and coming up with the idea for Ben's scar. You made it so much better than it was, so thank you for supporting me!!!
> 
> Tumblr: http://reyloday.tumblr.com


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